Korrekturlesen englischer Text

Hallo,
Ich möchte ein Jahr Au PAir in Amerika machn und muss dafür einen Text an die möglichen Gastfamilien schreiben. Könnte ihn jemand korrigieren,da ich nicht so gut bin in englisch?
Liebe Grüße :smile:

Hier der Text:
Dear future host family,
My name is Elena. I’m from Germany, Heiligenstedten, this is near Hamburg, wich you might know. I come across from the „far north“ as we Germans like to say.
I live with my mom alone, because she and my dad are divorced. But he lives only 15 minutes away by car. I have a „little“ brother(15), he lives with my dad. The quotes because he is bigger than me. Once a Sunday in month my dad makes a game night with board games. Then the family meet and we play Monopoly or something like that, but I also meet him in between for lunch or so.
At the moment I’m doing my high school graduation. So there is much to do. But that’s because I’m much happier when I see my Babysitting children, Janne and Malin. I meet them every Sunday, when they were smaller twice a week.
We have so much fun togheter. Last time we made a tickling battle, it was so amusing. We often go out to a park or something like that. We love to play Memory, mabe you know it. Also hide away, makeup, paint, dress, making things, go eat ice cream, knead and swing on the playground they love. I know them for almost 3 years, so they are like my little sisters. You can see them both in my photo album.
To be relax I like to play guitar, so I can come down in the evenings. But I only play since december. Something new is always interesting to learn. One song I can already play.
Every day when it’s not to rainy or icy I ride with my bike to school, one an hour for back and forth. And so I can switch off very well after school. But the last time there was so much snow that I unfortunately can not ride my bike.
Twice a week I go to the office, there I have a little side job. I sort files and I’m the girl for everything. It’s a real great job, and the working atmosphere is very pleasant.
I often meet my friends, at school, at a cafe, at the cinema, at a public pool. We like to go shopping, last weekend we went to a special shop for evening dresses, we searched a dress for our graduationball.
My best friend plays the violin, so I often visit classical concerts with her, often she also plays with the orchestra. I also love musicals, the Lion King or we will rock you. I’d like to see Cats or Dance of the Vampires.
I like to travel. Three times I was traveling with a friend to France, I also have a friend there, so we have lived with her during our vacation. She lives in Paris and showed us the city. Last year we made a class trip to Italy, this was ver fun with all of my friends, especially because we can not speak a word italien. Then I was in England to impove my Englisch, I lived 2 weeks with a host family. In my photos are pictures from my travels, look it up gladly.
When the sun is shining I love to go jogging. I love it to be outside, especially with kids. Collecting stones, meet other children at the playground, building sandcastles or play soccer.
I hope I made you curious about me. If so, I would be glad if you get in touch.
With many kind greetings, especially for the children.
Elena

Hallo,

Ich möchte ein Jahr Au PAir in Amerika machn und muss dafür
einen Text an die möglichen Gastfamilien schreiben. Könnte ihn
jemand korrigieren,da ich nicht so gut bin in englisch?

Liebe Grüße :smile:

Hier der Text, den ich etwas geändert habe, kenne ich doch die amrikansiche Mentalität.

Dear future host family,

my name is Elena. I am German and live in Heiligenstedten near Hamburg in the northern part of my country.
My mother and I live alone ever since my parents divorced. My dad actually lives only 15 minutes away. I have a „little“ brother (15) who lives with my dad. The quotation marks are there because he is taller than I am. Once a month on a Sunday my dad invites us all for game night with board games and we play „Monopoly“ or something similar. Apart from that I also meet him in between for lunch dates.

At the moment I am in the midst of studying hard to obtain my high school graduation. Admittedly I am much happier whenever I see Janne and Malin from my babysitting days. I meet them every Sunday but I used to spend time with them twice a week when they were smaller.
We have lots of fun togheter. Last time we gloried in a most amusing tickling contest. We often go for walks in the local parks and love to play Memory games as well as hide and seek. We practice makeup, we paint, do dress sessions, go for an ice cream, jump on a swing in the playground or on a merry-go-round, activities they enjoy very much. I have known them for almost 3 years, so they are like my little sisters. You can see them both in my photo album.

To relax I like to play the guitar, a pastime which I only started in December. It is always exciting to learn something new and I am happy having already mastered an entire song melody.
Every day when it’s not too rainy or icy I ride my bike to school which takes one hour for the return trip. The exercise helps me to recover from the school chores. But lately there was so much snow that I unfortunately could not ride my bike.

I have a little side job and twice a week I go to an office, there to sort files and to be girl friday. Since the working atmosphere is very pleasant, I enjoy the work.
As often as possible I meet my friends, be this at school, at a cafe, at the cinema, at a public swimming pool. We all like to go shopping and last weekend we went to a special shop for evening dresses looking for a dress for our graduation ball.

My best friend plays the violin, so I often visit classical music concerts with her since quite often she also plays with the orchestra. I also love musicals as the the Lion King or We Will Rock You. I would like to see Cats or Dance of the Vampires.

I like to travel and already I have been three times in France with a girl friend. I also have a friend there and we lived at her place during our vacation. She lives in Paris and showed us the city.

Last year we made a class trip to Italy with all of my friends which was a load of fun, especially since we cannot speak a single word of Italian. To impove my English I lived 2 weeks with a host family in England. Attached are pictures from my travels, please take a look!

When the sun is shining I love to go jogging since I love to be outside with kid enjoying the fresh air while collecting stones, meeting other children at the playground, building sandcastles or playing soccer.

Hoping I made you curious about me I would be glad if you would get in touch.

With many kind greetings, especially to the children.

Elena

Dir wünsche ich gutes Gelingen in ALLEM was du tust!

Mit einem recht freundlichen Gruss eines in Bayern lebenden Lübeckers

Ingo Tesch

Hallo Elena,

ich werde den Text mal die Tage anschauen und ein paar Korrekturvorschläge meinerseits machen in Satzbau, Wortwahl usw…

Danach post ich den hier rein und dann kannst du ja mit deinem dann vergleichen.

Das heißt falls nicht einer vor mir schon damit fertig ist :wink:

Dankeschön :smile: Super Hilfe :smile:

Hallo Elena,

tschuldige für sehr späte antwort! früher ging es leider nicht. ich hoffe es ist nicht zu spät.

leider weiss ich nicht in welches land du deine au-pair zeit machen möchtest: england? usa?

es gibt den ein odern satz der verbessert oder das ein oder andere wort welches ausgetauscht werden könnte:

z.b. wird in der usa nicht cinema sondern movietheater gesagt.

allerdings sind das peanuts und ich finde das dein brief so bleiben sollte wie es ist.

dein brief hat mich sehr beendruckt und die gastfamilie wird ihn wirklich sehr mögen.

ich wünsche dir eine tolle zeit in deinem jahr.
mein jahr war das beste was mir passieren konnte!

solltest du noch tipps brauchen (allerdings war ich selbst in der usa, nähe boston) kannst du dich gerne jederzeit an mich wenden!

liebe grüße
georgina

Liebe Elena,
ich habe etwa das erste Drittel Deines Briefes gelesen, und ich finde Dein Englisch ausgezeichnet. Mehr muss ich nicht lesen.
Mein Mann ist Amerikaner, wir sprechen Englisch zu Hause. Und ich verdiene einen teil meines Geldes mit Übersetzungen Englisch-Deutsch und Französisch-Deutsch in der Dokumentarfilmbranche.
Sicherlich könnte ein Native Speaker das ein oder andere verbessern, aber für die Bewerbung als Au Pair ist Dein Englisch sensationell. Wenn ich wollte, dass meine Kinder eine englischsprechende junge Frau als Au Pair bekommen, dann würde ich Dich sofort engagieren! :wink:
Alles Gute Dir,
Anna Th. Landers