Brauche Hilfe für mein Englisch Artikel!

Könnte jemand dies mal korregieren? Ist sehr wichtig.
Danke für die Hilfe. Es geht um Rechtschreibung und Grammatik. Danke nochmals!

My Name is David and I am 16 years old. I come from Freiburg and I would like to tell you something about the Indo-Europeans. My main points are general information’s about the Indo-Europeans and the difficult between the Indo-Europeans. The Indo-Europeans are a nations family. By a nations family one understands several nations that in their language, culture and mythology come from an original nation. To the Indo-European nations family belong the Germans, the Romans, the Celts, the Greeks, the Slavs, the Anatolians, the Iranians, the Indoiranians and some others. The term Aryan is a synonym for Indo-Europeans. But it was not used after the Second World War any more. There are also other nations families like the Altaics or Hamito-Semitic. The first Indo-Europeans were herdsmen. They only lived off stock farming. The Indo-Europeans were very underdeveloped that time. Their areas spread as they started with the agriculture after a short time. So they could settle a lot of areas in the young history of the human race. One can reconstruct the Indo-Europeans history by the language. Today one supposes the Indo-Europeans origin is above the Caspian Sea. The general theory says that approximately 4000 B.C. the Indo-Europeans walked from their homeland to Europe, Iran and India. The basis of the advanced civilization of the Indo-Europeans is descended from the Iranians and Indoiranians. Our numbers, the idea of the monotheism, the rights of women, and the base of war leading have their origin by the Indoiranians and the Iranians. Today the Indo-Europeans with about 2,5 billion humans represent 40% of the world population. They belong to one of the most successful nations families of the earth. However, there are also differences between the Indo-Europeans. One divides them in 4 groups. The North-Indo-Europeans, the South-Indo-Europeans, the West-Indo-Europeans and the High-Indo-Europeans. To the North-Indo-Europeans the Germans and the Slavs belong. They were well adapted in cold and darkness of the north. They were organized in different tribes. The most famous ones were the Vikings, Anglo-Saxons and the Goths. They had theirs own polytheism religion. And Odin was one of the most famous Gods. To the South-Indo-Europeans the Indoiranians belong. The Indoiranians or also named Indians lived in big richness. Their language the Sanskrit is one of the oldest Indo-European languages. The religion of the Buddhism also comes from Indoiran. They saw the bulls as a holy animal. But today the Indians also see the cow as a holy animal. The reason is not clear to this day. To the West-Indo-Europeans the Romans, the Celts and some others belong. The West-Indo-Europeans were well organized. Their tribes united quickly to a big horde. They were very powerfully. They also had the polytheism. And Rome is their biggest empire to this day. To the High-Indo-Europeans the Iranians and the Armenians belong. The High-Indo-Europeans were called Aryans. The most important were the Persians, the Medians (today the Kurds), the Parthians and the Skythians. After their first appearance all tribes united to a big horde. And they knew only the right of the blood. So they could destroy one empire after the other. They had only the Monotheistic religion of Ahura Mazda. There are other Indo-Europeans but one can’t divide them. They are called as isolated nations. The Greeks and Albanians belong to the biggest isolated nations. Besides, they are very related to the high-Indo-Europeans. However, there are third nation. The Anatolians. But after the attack of the Turks they were destroyed. I hope my presentation was interesting for you and I hope you have learned something about this. Goodbye and a wonderful day!

Hi David!

Auf die Schnelle, Folgendes würde ich ändern:

My Name is David and I am 16 years old. I come from Freiburg

I live in Freiburg …

and I would like to tell you something about the
Indo-Europeans. My main points are general information’s about

I mainly want to tell you/give you information (immer Singular!) about …

the Indo-Europeans and the difficult between the

… and the disputes among the different Indo-European peoples.

Indo-Europeans. The Indo-Europeans are a nations family. By a

… are a family of nations/peoples.

nations family one understands several nations that in their

A family of nations (oder notfalls eben: nation s family) is usually defined by …

language, culture and mythology come from an original nation.
To the Indo-European nations family belong the Germans, the
Romans, the Celts, the Greeks, the Slavs, the Anatolians, the
Iranians, the Indoiranians and some others. The term Aryan is
a synonym for Indo-Europeans. But it was not used after the

… but it has not been in use since the end of the Second World War.

Second World War any more. There are also other nations
families like the Altaics or Hamito-Semitic. The first
Indo-Europeans were herdsmen. They only lived off stock

They only lived on …

farming. The Indo-Europeans were very underdeveloped that

… at that time.

time. Their areas spread as they started with the agriculture
after a short time. So they could settle a lot of areas in the

They were able to extend rapidly the areas they inhabited began as they …
So they could occupy many …

young history of the human race. One can reconstruct the

… in the early history …

Indo-Europeans history by the language. Today one supposes the

… the Indo-Europeans’ history …

Indo-Europeans origin is above the Caspian Sea. The general

One … one … one, schreib lieber, wer das vermutet, also: Scientists/Experts have found out/suppose that …

theory says that approximately 4000 B.C. the Indo-Europeans
walked from their homeland to Europe, Iran and India. The

… the Indo-Europeans left their homeland and moved to …

basis of the advanced civilization of the Indo-Europeans is
descended from the Iranians and Indoiranians. Our numbers, the

… basis of the Indo-Europeans’ advanced civilization is founded on/deduced from what they learned from …

idea of the monotheism, the rights of women, and the base of
war leading have their origin by the Indoiranians and the

… have their origin in the Indoiranian culture/tradition/…

Iranians. Today the Indo-Europeans with about 2,5 billion
humans represent 40% of the world population. They belong to
one of the most successful nations families of the earth.

Wie belegst Du „successful“?

However, there are also differences between the
Indo-Europeans. One divides them in 4 groups. The
North-Indo-Europeans, the South-Indo-Europeans, the
West-Indo-Europeans and the High-Indo-Europeans. To the
North-Indo-Europeans the Germans and the Slavs belong. They

The Germans and the Slavs belong to the …

were well adapted in cold and darkness of the north. They were

… were well-accustomed to the cold …

organized in different tribes. The most famous ones were the
Vikings, Anglo-Saxons and the Goths. They had theirs own
polytheism religion. And Odin was one of the most famous Gods.

They had their own polytheistic religion.

To the South-Indo-Europeans the Indoiranians belong. The

The Indoiranians belong to the …

Indoiranians or also named Indians lived in big richness.
Their language the Sanskrit is one of the oldest Indo-European

Their language, the Sanskrit, is …

languages. The religion of the Buddhism also comes from

The Buddhist religion was also founded …

Indoiran. They saw the bulls as a holy animal. But today the
Indians also see the cow as a holy animal. The reason is not
clear to this day. To the West-Indo-Europeans the Romans, the
Celts and some others belong. The West-Indo-Europeans were

Celts and some others belong to …

well organized. Their tribes united quickly to a big horde.
They were very powerfully. They also had the polytheism. And

They were very powerful. They adhered to polytheistic religions.

Rome is their biggest empire to this day. To the
High-Indo-Europeans the Iranians and the Armenians belong. The

The Iranians and Armenians … Du weißt schon.

High-Indo-Europeans were called Aryans. The most important
were the Persians, the Medians (today the Kurds), the
Parthians and the Skythians. After their first appearance all
tribes united to a big horde. And they knew only the right of

And they only knew …

the blood. So they could destroy one empire after the other.
They had only the Monotheistic religion of Ahura Mazda. There
are other Indo-Europeans but one can’t divide them. They are

There are other Indo-Europeans peoples but it isn’t possible to differentiate them.

called as isolated nations. The Greeks and Albanians belong to
the biggest isolated nations. Besides, they are very related

Their connection to the Anatolians is evident …

to the high-Indo-Europeans. However, there are third nation.

Third nation?

The Anatolians. But after the attack of the Turks they were
destroyed. I hope my presentation was interesting for you and
I hope you have learned something about this. Goodbye and a
wonderful day!

Ob die Informationen sachlich korrekt sind, musst Du wissen. In einigen Punkten würde ich etwas dramatischere Formulierungen wählen, da die Zerstörung von Völkern hier doch relativ lapidar abgehandelt wird. Außerdem bietet es sich an, jeden Sinnabschnitt mit dem Beginn einer neuen Zeile zu würdigen.

Gruß!
Christopher

PS
Hi Christopher!

Well done!

Nur eine kleine Anmerkung:

They were able to extend rapidly the areas they inhabited began as they …
So they could occupy many …

They were able to rapidly extend the areas they inhabited began as they …
So they could occupy many …

rapidly = adverb und wird daher vor dem Verb gesetzt.

Apart from that I agree with every other correction you made!

Best wishes
Siân

*freu*
Hallo, Siân!

Well done!

Danke! Worüber freut man sich mehr als über ein Lob von einem native speaker

rapidly = adverb und wird daher vor dem Verb gesetzt.

Hab ich mir gemerkt :wink:

Gruß!
Chris

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