Brauche Hilfe für mein Englisch Artikel! 2

Danke bis jetzt schonmal. Hab den Text nochmal zusammen gefasst.
Ich denke mal er ist fertig oder? Danke nochmals!

Hello my Name is David. I am 16 years old and I live in Freiburg. I mainly want to give you information about the Indo-Europeans and the disputes among the different Indo-Europeans peoples. The Indo-Europeans are a family of nations. A family of nations is usually defined by their language, culture and mythology come from an original nation. To the Indo-European nations family belong the Germans, the Romans, the Celts, the Greeks, the Slavs, the Anatolians, the Iranians, the Indoiranians and some others. The term Aryan is a synonym for Indo-Europeans. But it has not been in use since the end of the Second World War. There are also other nations families like the Altaics or Hamito-Semitic. The first Indo-Europeans were herdsmen. They only lived on stock farming. The Indo-Europeans were very underdeveloped at that time. They were able to rapidly extend the areas the inhabited began as they started with the agriculture after a short time. So they could occupy many of areas in the early history of the human race. One can reconstruct the Indo-European’s history by the language. Today one supposes the Indo-Europeans origin is above the Caspian Sea. The general theory says that approximately 4000 B.C. the Indo-Europeans left their homeland and moved to Europe, Iran and India. The basis of the Indo-European’s advanced civilization is deduced from what they learned from the Iranians and Indoiranians. Our numbers, the idea of the monotheism, the rights of women, and the base of war leading have their origin by the Iranians and the Indoiranians tradition. Today the Indo-Europeans with about 2,5 billion humans represent 40% of the world population. They belong to one of the most successful nations families of the earth. However, there are also differences between the Indo-Europeans. One divides them in 4 groups. The North-Indo-Europeans, the South-Indo-Europeans, the West-Indo-Europeans and the High-Indo-Europeans. The Germans and the Slavs belong to the North-Indo-Europeans. They were well-accustomed to the cold and darkness of the north. They were organized in different tribes. The most famous ones were the Vikings, Anglo-Saxons and the Goths. They had their own polytheistic religion. And Odin was one of the most famous Gods. The Indoiranians belong to the South-Indo-Europeans. The Indoiranians or also named Indians lived in big richness. Their language, the Sanskrit, is one of the oldest Indo-European languages. The Buddhist religion was also founded from Indoiran. They saw the bulls as a holy animal. But today the Indians also see the cow as a holy animal. The reason is not clear to this day. The Romans, the Celts and some others belong to the West-Indo-Europeans . They were well organized. Their tribes united quickly to a big horde. They were very powerful. They adhered to polytheistic religions. And Rome is their biggest empire to this day. The Iranians and the Armenians belong to the High-Indo-Europeans. The High-Indo-Europeans were called Aryans. The most important were the Persians, the Medians (today the Kurds), the Parthians and the Skythians. After their first appearance all tribes united to a big horde. And they only knew the right of the blood. So they could destroy one empire after the other. They had only the Monotheistic religion of Ahura Mazda. There are other Indo-Europeans peoples but it isn’t possible to differentiate them. They are called as isolated nations. The Greeks and the Albanians belong to the biggest isolated nations. Their connection to the High-Indo-Europeans is evident. However, there are third nation. The Anatolians. But after the attack of the Turks they were destroyed. I hope my presentation was interesting for you and I hope you have learned something about this. Goodbye and a wonderful day!

Finishing
Hi David!

Danke bis jetzt schonmal.

Gern geschehen!

Ich denke mal er ist fertig oder?

Ja, so gut wie. Die folgenden Fehler sollten noch weg, was nicht heißt, dass das alle sind:

A family of nations is usually defined by their

A family of nations is usually defined by its … (Bezugswort ist „family“, daher Singular)

language, culture and mythology come from an original nation.

language, culture and mythology that come from an original nation.

the end of the Second World War. There are also other nations families

There are also other families of nations … (geh den Text noch einmal durch, ob Du überall „nations’ family“ eliminiert hast)

human race. One can reconstruct the Indo-European’s history by

… the Indo-Europeans history … (Genitiv-Apostroph nach hinten, da das ‚s’ den Plural angeben soll)

founded from Indoiran. They saw the bulls as a holy animal.

… founded in Indoiran.

differentiate them. They are called as isolated nations. The

They have to be seen as isolated nations.

evident. However, there are third nation. The Anatolians. But

However, there is still a third nation to be mentioned: The Anatolians. (Nation ist doch Singular, weswegen das Verb auch im Singular stehen muss.)

GANZ WICHTIG:
Teil den Text in Abschnitte! So wie er vorliegt, macht es wenig Spaß, ihn zu lesen. Tipp: Immer eine Zeile freilassen, wenn Du einen neuen Bereich des Themas anschneidest. Solltest Du ihn vortragen, macht das auch für Dich die Orientierung im Text während des Sprechens leichter :smile:

Gruß!
Christopher

P.S.: Für welche Klassenstufe ist das denn?

Spätzünder…
Hallo David,

ich misch mich auch noch kurz ein, da ich über ein paar Fehler gestolpert bin… hoffentlich komme ich nicht wieder hoffnungslos zu spät… und sorry, wenn ich etwa nochmal Christophers Korrekturen wiederhole…

I mainly want to give you information about the
Indo-Europeans and the disputes among the different
Indo-Europeans peoples.

Es muss ‚people‘ heissen, Mehrzahl und Einzahl sind nicht zu unterscheiden. ‚Indo-Europäische Völker‘ = ‚Indo-European people‘

To the Indo-European nations family belong the Germans, the
Romans, the Celts, the Greeks, the Slavs, the Anatolians, the
Iranians, the Indoiranians and some others.

besser: ‚To the Indo-European family of nations‘, leider bietet sich das Englische ungleich dem Deutschen nicht für das heitere „Hängen-wir-einmal-ein-paar-Wörter-aneinander“-Spiel, das macht die Sache auch so schrecklich kompliziert… aber Christopher hat das ja schon geklärt…

There are also other nations
families like the Altaics or Hamito-Semitic.

s.o.

They were able to rapidly extend the areas the inhabited
began as they started with the agriculture after a short time.

Hm, ‚they inhabited‘? oder besser ‚They were able to rapidly extend their inhabited areas once they started developping agriculture…‘
Kling schlanker…

One can reconstruct the Indo-European’s history by
the language.

‚…Indo-European history by language…‘

Today the Indo-Europeans with about
2,5 billion humans represent 40% of the world population.

Subjekt-Verb-Prädikat, auch im Englischen: ‚Today the Indo-Europeans represent (with about 2,5 billion Men [bitte, bitte nicht Humans als Übers für Menschen gebrauchen] ) 40% of the world population.‘

They belong to one of the most successful nations families of the
earth.

‚on earth‘

However, there are also differences between the
Indo-Europeans. One divides them in 4 groups.

‚However, there are also differences between the Info-Europeans that can be divided traditionally in 4 groups.‘

They are called as isolated nations.

Das macht hier keinen Sinn, sorry.

However, there are third nation.

‚… there is…‘

Cooler Artikel *gratulier*… Cheers

Y.-

Ich bin ja auch keine Fachfrau aber
Voelker heisst uebersetzt --> peoples
DAvid schreibt ja ueber „Voelker“ und nicht „Leute“
so habe ich es gelernt und so steht es auch im dictionary.
Aber ihr koennt mich gerne eines besseren belehren.

To the Indo-European nations family belong the Germans, the
Romans, the Celts, the Greeks, the Slavs, the Anatolians, the
Iranians, the Indoiranians and some others.

besser: ‚To the Indo-European family of nations‘, leider
bietet sich das Englische ungleich dem Deutschen nicht für das
heitere „Hängen-wir-einmal-ein-paar-Wörter-aneinander“-Spiel,
das macht die Sache auch so schrecklich kompliziert… aber
Christopher hat das ja schon geklärt…

Hier habe ich auch mal gelernt dass es beim schreiben besser ist „of“ wegzulassen wegen der Lesbarkeit…
Auch hier wuerde ich mich ueber Aufklaerung freuen wenn ich falsch liege.

Desweiteren wuerde man in Amerika nicht „men“ fuer Maenner schreiben, da das politisch nicht korrekt ist…
Matti
(ich bin verwirrt…bitte klaert mich doch mal auf)