Letter of Motivation bitte um Hilfe

Hallo ich habe gerade meinen letter of Motivation für ein Semester im Ausland geschrieben und würde mich sehr über Vorschläge zur Verbesserung freuen.
Vielen Dank im Voraus

I am writing to apply for a place at the University of ****** as part of the ERASMUS exchange program in the academic year 1009/2010.

I am currently in my second semester of English and American studies at the ***** University **** and have completed two parts in English at the department for Translation Studies at the same University. I have also been working in the restaurant and hotel industry for several companies for more than 10 years now. These jobs have fueled my interest in English as an international language in the context of Communication and international relations. They have also given me the opportunity to get an insight into managing a business. That is why I am also attending courses in business matters and business English. Further I gathered extensive knowledge about other cultures and combining full time work and full time studies has helped me to develop excellent time management as well as organisational skills.

During my studies at the department for Translation Studies my interest in Business English, linguistics and literature has grown. Being at the beginning of my studies at English and departement, one semester in England at this point would not only give me the opportunity to attend relevant courses in an English-speaking environment, simultaneously it would enable me to acquire decisive knowledge in the field of linguistics, English as a foreign language and Business which would help me to prepare for the following stages of my studies.

This semester I have been attending some very interesting courses in Business English at the Department of English in ***** and working in the restaurant and hotel industry, made me decide to opt for specialisation in the field of Business. The University of ******** offers a wide range of very interesting courses in the field of Business as well as English as a foreign Language some which would perfectly complement my previous education in this field and thus serve as a solid basis for my following courses and exams. Further they would give me the chance to acquire knowledge and skills which would suit my current position as an Assistant manager in a restaurant. In addition, I hope to attend some courses at the department of Deaf Studies, since I have studied Austrian Sign Language for three years at the University of ****. This would give me the opportunity get an insight into the British Sign Language and the Deaf culture in England.

My motivation for studying English has already developed in my childhood since my family is spread all over the globe and communication in English has therefore become a very important factor within this context. This background and my participation in an European project concerning translation into various languages has given me the chance to get insights into a variety of cultures. Further, my cultural knowledge about England has deepened during my one year stay in ****, ****. In addition of English I also have narrow knowledge in Italian and Latvian. Since I know that Great Britain is a culturally diverse country and that the University of ****** has exchange programs with universities all over the world, studying there would provide me with an invaluable opportunity to meet and work with international students. This experience would increase my socio-cultural competency as well as broaden my personal horizons by getting to know new people and different ways of studying. As I am a very open-minded, communicative person and can easily adapt to new circumstances, I know that I would quickly immerse myself in the new environment. I am looking forward to gather valuable experiences within the context of semester abroad and to profit from the courses offered at the University of ******.

I am prepared to invest effort and time to reach my goal and will do the best to make the most out of this unique opportunity.

Yours sincerely

Hallo!

Ein paar Kleinigkeiten:
department nicht departement

@In addition of English I also have narrow knowledge in Italian and Latvian.
in addition *to* und Narrow? Was meinst Du damit?

my personal horizons ich würde Singular nehmen - horizon

within the context of semester abroad - *a* semester

Ich würde den Brief höflich beenden.

I am looking forward to hearing from you z.B

Viel Glück

Hallo,

zusätzlich zu sin*s Anmerkungen :

I am writing to apply for a place at the University of ******
as part of the ERASMUS exchange program in the academic year
1009/2010.

*in* ist nicht falsch, aber ich würde „during“ bevorzugen

I am currently in my second semester of English and American
studies at the ***** University **** and have completed two
parts in English at the department for Translation Studies at
the same University.

*two parts* – was meinst du damit?
Zwei Teile von was? Zwei Kurse?

I have also been working in the
restaurant and hotel industry for several companies for more
than 10 years now. These jobs have fueled my interest in
English as an international language in the context of
Communication and international relations.

*communication*
(ot: mir gefallen die Sternchen, sin*!)

They have also
given me the opportunity to get an insight into managing a
business.

This gave me the opportunity … and therefore I am also…
That is why I am also attending courses in business

matters and business English.
Further

*In addition*,

I gathered extensive knowledge

*extensive information*, ich würde dieses Adjektiv nicht mit „knowledge“ verbinden

about other cultures

*,*

and combining full time work
and full time studies has helped me to develop excellent time
management as well as organisational skills.

During my studies at the department for Translation Studies my
interest in Business English, linguistics and literature has
grown. Being at the beginning of my studies at English and
departement,

Hier stehe ich auf dem Schlauch: ich verstehe nicht was du mit „depart(e)ment“ sagen willst.

one semester in England at this point would not
only give me the opportunity to attend relevant courses in an
English-speaking environment,

*English speaking* (wenn du *full time* auseinanderschreibst, dann das erst recht)

simultaneously it would enable
me to acquire decisive knowledge in the field of linguistics,
English as a foreign language and Business which would help me
to prepare for the following stages of my studies.

*subsequent* stages …

This semester I have been attending some very interesting
courses in Business English at the Department of English in
***** and working in the restaurant and hotel industry,

*kein Komma hier*

made
me decide to opt for specialisation in the field of Business.

*business*

The University of ******** offers a wide range of very
interesting courses in the field of Business

*business*

as well as
English as a foreign Language some which would perfectly
complement my previous education in this field and thus serve
as a solid basis for my following courses and exams.

Nicht ganz sicher, was du meinst.
*English as a foreign l anguage; some of them would perfectly … solid foundation for my subsequent / ensuing*
oder
*… foreign language. Some of these courses / A number of these …*

Further

*In addition,*

they would give me the chance to acquire knowledge and skills
which would suit my current position as an Assistant manager

entweder „Assistant Manager“ oder „assistant manager“, nicht mischen, beides klein ist besser, da es eine Funktion keinen Titel beschreibt, so wie man das hier liest

in a restaurant. In addition,

wegen möglicher Wiederholung: *Furthermore* geht auch, „further“ eher nicht

I hope to attend some courses at
the department of Deaf Studies, since I have studied Austrian
Sign Language for three years at the University of ****. This
would give me the opportunity get an insight into the British
Sign Language and the Deaf culture in England.

My motivation for studying English has already developed in my
childhood since my family is spread all over the globe and
communication in English has therefore become a very important
factor within this context.

motivation + developed, macht einen komischen Satz zusammen
Vielleicht: *My motivation … reaches back to my childhood *-
oder in continuous form:
*My motivation … has been developing since childhood* („developing“ ist ja ein fortwährender Prozess)
*my family lives in different areas of the world* (das „spread“ ist mir zu bildlich, vielleicht lese ich die falschen Bücher)

This background and my
participation in an European project

in *a* European project
(da man „europaen“ nicht mit Vokal im Anlaut spricht, ohne n) :concerning translation

into various languages has given me the chance to get insights
into a variety of cultures. Further,

*furthermore* or *in addition*

my cultural knowledge
about England has deepened during my one year stay in ****,

*has been extended /intensified* (??)

****. In addition of English

*to English,*

I also have narrow knowledge in
Italian and Latvian.

*I also have a little knowledge…*
Da du sehr oft „knowlegde“ benutzt, vielleicht umstellen:
In addition to English, I speak Italian and Latvian, although to a lesser extent. (klingt nicht so wenig wie „a little Italian“)

Since I know that Great Britain is a
culturally diverse country and that the University of ******
has exchange programs with universities all over the world,
studying there would provide me with an invaluable opportunity
to meet and work with international students.

*with students from different countries / with an international student body*

This experience
would increase my socio-cultural competency as well as broaden
my personal horizons by getting to know new people and
different ways of studying.

(wie schon sin* schrub: horizon)

As I am a very open-minded,
communicative person and can easily adapt to new
circumstances, I know that I would quickly immerse myself in
the new environment. I am looking forward to gather
valuable experiences

*experience*

within the context of

*a*

semester abroad and to
profit from the courses offered at the University of ******.

I am prepared to invest effort and time

nicht falsch, aber idiomatisch wirds meist andersrum gebraucht: *time and effort*

to reach my goal and
will do the best to make the most out of this unique
opportunity.

*will do my best to make the most of this unique opp*

Gruß
Elke