ich hab noch nicht so viel Ahnung mit Motivationsschreiben und das hier sind jetzt mal meine Anfänge. Ich will an eine Uni nach China in Shanghai.
Wär super, wenn jemand von euch, der ein bißchen Erfahrung mit solchen Schreiben hat, mal schnell darüberschauen könnte und mir sagen, was hinsichtlich Sprache und Struktur verbessert werden könnte.
Also hier der Text:
Dear ladies and gentlemen,
I have been studying Business Administration (*****) with the subsidiary subject informatics at the ***** in Germany since three semesters.
By writing this letter, I would like to apply for an university place at the ***** in Shanghai for the first semester of the year 2008.
These days it is very important for getting your own experiences and of course for most of the companies all over the world that a student has spent a semester abroad.
Therefore I am taking part at the ***** exchange program.
I think it is worth to know that I have already started with my graduate studies in contrast to the majority of my fellows.
Due to an internship at ***** and within the framework of my basic military service I have gained some business experience yet.
Moreover I did some different part-time jobs.
It would be a pleasure for me to represent the ***** and Germany to the employees and the students of the *****. Thus I hope to render a small contribution to the understanding and the common research between the ***** and the *****.
On the one hand it is out of question that China will become the world’s largest economy in the 21st century and soon displace Germany as the world’s largest exporter. It is a great chance for me and my later career to live and study in Shanghai as it takes in the leading position of China’s economic growth what can be for example seen at its skyscrapers and modern lifestyle. Another example is the first commercial Maglev railway in the world. It would be a grandiose experience for me to visit this German product as my fellow countrymen did not yet manage to install it here in Germany.
On the other hand it is fantastic that I can live to see a culture which is home to one of the world's oldest and most complex civilizations covering a history of over 5,000 years in the same country. As The Great Wall of China or Shanghai's Yu Yuan Garden still testify from this civilization and they are well-known by nearly each human in the world it is a particular pleasure for me to visit them. In contrast to the enormous modern city Shanghai I’m looking forward to visit some of Shanghai’s picturesque rural suburban areas.
Finally I’m proud to be a witness of certainly fantastic Olympic Games 2008 in Beijing.
At ***** I will have the chance to study at one of the most prestigious and renowned universities of China. Furthermore I have read that the ***** emphasizes practise orientation and teamwork by rating individual projects, group projects and participation. Considering the requirements a company has to an applicant today this is an excellent form of education to be well prepared for the later career.
My interests are especially the finance and capital markets of the world and as a consequence I have chosen “Financial Management and Capital Markets” as my major subject at the *****.
I am glad about you offering the courses “Accounting and Finance” and “Money and Banking” which I would like to attend. Getting to know the Chinese way of thinking I am very interested in various lectures on Chinese Economy, Society and Culture.
I am going to participate in a Chinese language course at the ***** after I will have learnt the very basic skills at the *****.
By nearly all the campus life, for example the lectures, the teamwork and social life occurring in English, this stay in Shanghai will definitely improve my English as well.
To become acquainted with the Chinese everyday work in companies I am going to do an internship from January 2009 until April 2009 in Shanghai.
All in all I think that there is no doubt that a semester abroad in Shanghai will broaden my horizon while enhancing my career profile.
I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Vielen Dank für die Mühe