Motivationsschreiben - Verbesserungsvorschläge

Hallo zusammen,

habe gerade mein Motivationsschreiben zur Bewerbung um einen Masterplatz fertig gestellt. Ich würde mich über Kritik, Anregungen und Tipps freuen…besten Dank.

Hier das Schreiben…:wink:
Letter of application

Dear Sir or Madam,
First of all, I would like to introduce myself: My name is, I am a bachelor student in psychology at the University XXX and I am XXX years old. I am applying for the research master with the specialisation in psychopathology at the University of Maastricht.
I decided to apply for this master program, because the offered combination between a preparation for a career in scientific research and a clinical training is of great personal interest. During my studies I found out that I am interested in both: research and clinical work. Since I would like to keep my opportunities open to make a training as a therapist or become a researcher I think that this program fits completely my future prospects. As it is written in the description of the program it seems to give a broad overview for an understanding of diseases. In my last term I attended a course in psychophysiology. We learned different methods of measuring physical components such as respiration, heart rate, blood pressure and so on and to link them to psychological processes. I would like to deepen my knowledge of the biological background of behaviour. For this reason I am especially interested in this program which includes the fields of genetics, psychological and neurobiological mechanisms.
In my study I attended different classes e.g. diagnostics, intervention, clinical psychology and biological psychology. As a result of my first two-and-a-half years in the bachelor program I identified the clinical area as the most interesting for me. To understand reasons for disease and to help people in finding there way out of aching state is one of my impulses. An internship I did in the psychiatry encouraged me to maintain my direction of clinical psychology. It was interesting to get to know how doctors and psychologists work together. Moreover, for me it is very important to understand how researchers work to transfer the findings into practice. The Master “Psychopathology” offers the possibility to get insights into research and to complete a clinical training which makes it so interesting for me.
Another reason why I would like to study in Maastricht is that I would like to improve my English and that I also like an international atmosphere. I spent my last semester at the University of Luxembourg. The multilingual and international atmosphere was inspiring. I believe that working in an international team is good to improve once personal development and I am interested in meeting persons of other cultures and backgrounds.
I would appreciate the opportunity to work and learn in a multidisciplinary team of researchers, including psychologists, psychiatrists, epidemiologists, and biologists. Since I think that these different perspectives are enriching.
Skills I can bring in the program are the ability to work in a team, diligence and openness.

Guten Abend,

habe meine Vorschläge eingefügt, das dann Auzulasssende in Klammern gesetzt…
Viel Erfolg!
C.v.Lengerke

Dear Sir (or Madam),
> First of all, I would like to introduce myself: My name is, I am a
> bachelor student in psychology at the University XXX and I am XXX years old. I am
> applying for the research master with the specialisation in psychopathology
> at the University of Maastricht.
> I decided to apply for this master program, because the offered
> combination of (between) a preparation for a career in scientific research and a clinical
> training is of great personal interest to me. During my studies, I found out that
> I am interested in both research and clinical work. Since I would like to continue having both options for some time to come yet: the one of training as a therapist, as well as the other of doing research
>( keep my opportunities open to make a training as a therapist or become a
> researcher) I think that this program (fits completely)completely fits my idea of future prospects.( As
> it is written in )According to your description,( of) the program (it) seems to (give) offer a broad
> overview for an understanding of diseases. In my last term I attended a
> course in psychophysiology. (We learned)This also covered different methods of measuring physical
> components such as respiration, heart rate, blood pressure and so on and to
> link them to psychological processes. I would like to deepen my knowledge
> of the biological background of behaviour. For this reason I am especially
> interested in (this) your program which includes the fields of genetics,
> psychological and neurobio
> logical mechanisms.
> (In my study)During my studies, I attended (different) various classes, e.g. diagnostics, intervention,
> clinical psychology and biological psychology. As a result of my first
> two-and-a-half years in the bachelor program I was able to identify(ied) the clinical (area)sector as being the one I seem to be most
> (the most interesting for me)interested in. (To)The urge to understand the reasons for disease and to help
> people in finding their (there) way out of a state of pain(?) (aching state) (is) have always been one of the main motivating factors in my life (my impulses) . An
> internship (I did) in a psychiatric clinic (the psychiatry) encouraged me to maintain my direction of
> clinical psychology. It was interesting to get to know how doctors and
> psychologists work together. Moreover, for me it is very important to
> understand how researchers work to transfer the findings into practice. What makes The Master
> “Psychopathology” so interesting for me is that it offers the possibility both (to get)of getting insights into research
> and (to complete)of completing a clinical training (which makes it so interesting for me).
> Another reason why I would like to study in Maastricht is that I would
> like to improve my English and that I also like an international atmosphere. I
> spent my last (semester) term at the University of Luxembourg. The multilingual
> and international atmosphere was inspiring. I believe that working in an
> international team is good to improve one’s(once) personal development and I am
> interested in meeting persons of other cultures and backgrounds.
> I would appreciate the opportunity to work and learn in a
> multidisciplinary team of researchers, including psychologists, psychiatrists,
> epidemiologists, and biologists,(. S)since I think that these different perspectives will prove to be encouraging factors for their individual progress (are
> enriching).
> Skills I can offer to (bring in) the program are the ability to work in a team,
> diligence and openness.
>
>
>

Vielen Dank für die tollen Anregungen, habe das Schreiben noch etwas überarbeitet und wäre für weitere Meinungen dankbar…beste Grüße.

Dear Sir or Madam,
First of all, I would like to introduce myself: My name is CCCC, I am a bachelor student in psychology at the University of FFFF and I am 457587 years old. I am applying for the research master with the specialisation in psychopathology at the University of Maastricht.
I decided to apply for this master program, because the offered combination of a preparation for a career in scientific research and a clinical training is of great personal interest. During my studies I found out that I am interested in both: research and clinical work. I think that this program completely fits my future prospects, since I would like to continue having both options for some time to come yet: the one of training as a therapist, as well as the other of doing research,. According to your description it seems to offer a broad overview for an understanding of diseases. In my last years of studying I learned many different approaches for the understanding of human behaviour e.g. in general psychology, social psychology, biological psychology and personal psychology. Although I think it is important to stay open-minded to all approaches one chooses a direction to deepen. I choose the biological approach, because the interaction between physiology and psychology fascinates me. Furthermore, I believe that to a certain degree physiological explanation can decrease the burden which people with a mental disease feel. Maybe this could help them to start a therapy.

In my last term I participated in a class for psychophysiology. This covered different methods of measuring physical components such as respiration, heart rate, blood pressure and so on and to link them to psychological processes. It was an inspiring class and I learned a lot. I would like to deepen my knowledge of the biological background of behaviour. Encouraged by this class I am especially interested in your program which includes the fields of genetics, psychological and neurobiological mechanisms.

In my study I attended various classes e.g. diagnostics, intervention, clinical psychology and biological psychology. As a result of my first two-and-a-half years in the bachelor program I was able to identify the clinical sector as the most interesting for me. The urge to understand reasons for disease and to help people in finding their way out of aching state has always been one of the main motivating factors in my life.

An internship in a psychiatric clinic encouraged me to maintain my direction of clinical psychology. I worked with the patients in a computer training program to train their attention, memory and other abilities. To see them moving forward and sometimes feeling better was a great reward and motivation for me. It was also interesting to get to know how doctors and psychologists work together. Moreover, for me it is very important to understand how researchers work to transfer their findings into practice.
Another reason why I would like to study in Maastricht is that I would like to improve my English and that I also like an international atmosphere. I spent my last term at the University of Luxembourg. The multilingual and international atmosphere was inspiring. I believe that working in an international team is good to improve one’s personal development and I am interested in meeting people of other cultures and backgrounds.
I would appreciate the opportunity to work and learn in a multidisciplinary team of researchers, including psychologists, psychiatrists, epidemiologists, and biologists. Since I think that these different perspectives are enriching.

Besides my great interest for this program I can offer different skills to the program. These are the ability to work in a team, ability to listen, diligence and openness. My background as an IT specialist helps me to get an easy access to statistical methods.

Vielen Dank für die tollen Anregungen, habe das Schreiben noch etwas überarbeitet und wäre für weitere Meinungen dankbar…beste Grüße.

Dear Sir or Madam,
First of all, I would like to introduce myself: My name is CCCC, I am a bachelor student in psychology at the University of FFFF and I am 457587 years old. I am applying for the research master with the specialisation in psychopathology at the University of Maastricht.
I decided to apply for this master program, because the offered combination of a preparation for a career in scientific research and a clinical training is of great personal interest. During my studies I found out that I am interested in both: research and clinical work. I think that this program completely fits my future prospects, since I would like to continue having both options for some time to come yet: the one of training as a therapist, as well as the other of doing research,. According to your description it seems to offer a broad overview for an understanding of diseases. In my last years of studying I learned many different approaches for the understanding of human behaviour e.g. in general psychology, social psychology, biological psychology and personal psychology. Although I think it is important to stay open-minded to all approaches one chooses a direction to deepen. I choose the biological approach, because the interaction between physiology and psychology fascinates me. Furthermore, I believe that to a certain degree physiological explanation can decrease the burden which people with a mental disease feel. Maybe this could help them to start a therapy.

In my last term I participated in a class for psychophysiology. This covered different methods of measuring physical components such as respiration, heart rate, blood pressure and so on and to link them to psychological processes. It was an inspiring class and I learned a lot. I would like to deepen my knowledge of the biological background of behaviour. Encouraged by this class I am especially interested in your program which includes the fields of genetics, psychological and neurobiological mechanisms.

In my study I attended various classes e.g. diagnostics, intervention, clinical psychology and biological psychology. As a result of my first two-and-a-half years in the bachelor program I was able to identify the clinical sector as the most interesting for me. The urge to understand reasons for disease and to help people in finding their way out of aching state has always been one of the main motivating factors in my life.

An internship in a psychiatric clinic encouraged me to maintain my direction of clinical psychology. I worked with the patients in a computer training program to train their attention, memory and other abilities. To see them moving forward and sometimes feeling better was a great reward and motivation for me. It was also interesting to get to know how doctors and psychologists work together. Moreover, for me it is very important to understand how researchers work to transfer their findings into practice.
Another reason why I would like to study in Maastricht is that I would like to improve my English and that I also like an international atmosphere. I spent my last term at the University of Luxembourg. The multilingual and international atmosphere was inspiring. I believe that working in an international team is good to improve one’s personal development and I am interested in meeting people of other cultures and backgrounds.
I would appreciate the opportunity to work and learn in a multidisciplinary team of researchers, including psychologists, psychiatrists, epidemiologists, and biologists. Since I think that these different perspectives are enriching.

Besides my great interest for this program I can offer different skills to the program. These are the ability to work in a team, ability to listen, diligence and openness. My background as an IT specialist helps me to get an easy access to statistical methods.
.

Hallo!
Sorry, hab erst jetzt deine Anfrage bemerkt und habe sie gelesen, sie ist absolut gut und in Ordnung (eventuell etwas zu lang)
programme (spelled like this)
sonst ok!
Hoffe du hast Erfolg,
mit lieben Grüßen
karin eder