Cajuns go to war (englisch)

Freizeit & Hobby Witze
1

(Als so ganz clever gelten die Cajuns (Einwohner rund um New Orleans) nicht unbedingt, ihr englisch ist im übrigen etwas, hmm, gewöhnungsbedürftig).

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his bunker when his telephone rang.

„Hello! Mr. Hussein“, a heavily accented voice said.„This is Boudreaux down at the Fred’s lounge in Mamou, Looziannah. I’m callin to told you we be officially declarin war on you!“

„Well, Boudreaux,“ Saddam replied, „this is indeed important news! How big is your army?“

„Rat now,“ said Boudreaux, (hesitating) „there is me, my cousin Thibodeaux, my nex door neighbor, Justain, and the whole bunch from the bar. That makes us eight!“

Saddam paused.„I must tell you, Boudreaux, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.“

"Woo-eee! "said Boudreaux „Gots to call you back later!“

Sure enough, the next day Boudreaux called again.

„Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We got us some war equipment!“

„And what equipment would that be, Boudreaux?“ Saddam asked.

„Well, we got us two combines, a dozer, and a farm tractor.“

Saddam sighed. „I must tell you, Boudreaux, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I’ve increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.“

„E-yiee!“ said Boudreaux. „Gots to get back to you later.“

Sure enough, Boudreaux rang again the next day.

„Mr. Hussein, da war still be on! We got ourselves some airborne! I’ve took Marcell ultra-light glider an we put us a shotgun in the cockpit, and Hebert gots out of jail today and he is gonna join our army too!“

Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. „I must tell you, Boudreaux, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighterplanes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I’ve increased my army to TWO MILLION!“

„Ah-yie-yie!“ screams Boudreaux, „gots ta call you back later.“

Sure enough, Boudreaux calls again the next day.

„Bon jour, Saddamn! I so sorry I gots to toll you, we is callin off dis war.“

„I’m sorry to hear that,“ said Saddam. „Why the sudden change of heart?“

""Well, said Boudreaux, "we all had a long talk at the bar and Sheriff Broussard, he say no way he gonna feed no two million prisoners. "

2

The same in jewish (englisch)
Saddam Hussein
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang.
„Hallo! Mr. Hussein,“ a heavily-accented voice said. „This is Yitzhak down in Tel Aviv, Israel. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!“
„Well, Yitzhak,“ Saddam replied, „This is important news! Tell me, how big is your army?“
„At this moment in time,“ said Yitzhak after a moment’s calculation, „there is me, my cousin Saul, my next-door neighbor Shlomo, and the entire pinnochle team from the deli – that makes eight!“
Saddam sighed. „I must tell you, Yitzhak, that I have 1million men in my
army waiting to move on my command.“
„Oy vey!“, said Yitzhak, „I’ll have to ring you back!“
Sure enough, the next day Yitzhak rang back. „Right, Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!“
„And what equipment would that be, Yitzhak?“ Saddam asked.
„Well, we have two combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Goldberg’s tractor from the kibbutz.“
Once more Saddam sighed. „I must tell you, Yitzhak, that I have 16
thousand tanks, 14 thousand armored personnel carriers, and my army has increased to one and a half million since we last spoke.“
„Really?!“ said Yitzhak, „I’ll have to ring you back!“
Sure enough, Yitzhak rang again the next day. „Right, Mr. Hussein, the
war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We’ve modified Moshe’s ultralight with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the bridge team has joined us as well!“
Saddam was silent for a minute, then sighed. „I must tell you Yitzhak
that I have 10 thousand bombers, 20 thousand MIG-19 attack planes, my military
complex is surrounded by laser-guided surface-to-air missile sites, and
since we last spoke, my army has increased to two million.“
„Oy gevalt!“, said Yitzhak, „I’ll have to ring you back.“
Sure enough, Yitzhak called again the next day. „Right, Mr Hussein, I am
sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.“
„I’m sorry to hear that“ said Saddam. „Why the sudden change of heart?“
„Well,“ said Yitzhak, "We’ve all had a chat, and there’s no way we can
feed two million prisoners.

Fritz