Ein achtzigjähriger Jude lag im Sterben, aber seine Familie versuchte ihn
zu trösten und aufzumundern. "Was will so ene Krankheit schon heißenb, du
wirst sie überstehen und hundert Jahre alt werden!" - "Wird Gott mich
nehmen zu hundert, wenn er mich kann haben zu achtzig ?"
Ciao,
Romana
hallo ramona, ;-)
da setze ich gleich zwei weitere klischees drauf *g*
gruss, lego
Christmas is weird. It's the time of year when our neighbors love to sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out
of their socks.
Catholic Conversion
A Jewish man moves into a Catholic neighborhood. Every Friday the Catholics go crazy because, while
they're morosely eating fish, the Jew is outside barbecuing steaks. So the Catholics work on the Jew to
convert him.
Finally, by threats and pleading, the Catholics succeed. They take the Jew to a priest who sprinkles holy water
on the Jew and intones:
....."Born a Jew
......Raised a Jew
......Now a Catholic."
The Catholics are ecstatic. No more delicious, but maddening smells every Friday evening. But the next
Friday evening, the scent of barbecue wafts through the neighborhood. The Catholics all rush to the Jew's
house to remind him of his new diet. They see him standing over the cooking steak. He is sprinkling water on
the meat and saying:
....."Born a cow
......Raised a cow
......Now a fish."
Hi Lego,
lern doch bitte lesen. Schau Dir mal meinen Namen genau an. :-)
Ciao,
Romana
Nothing
During Shabbat services the Rabbi kneels and puts his forehead to the floor and says,
"Before you oh Lord, I am nothing."
The Cantor looks at him, thinks it couldn't hurt, and kneels, puts his forehead to the floor, and says, "Before you oh Lord, I am nothing."
Ben Shapiro in the fifth row is watching this and thinking that it was a pretty good idea, so he goes in the middle of the isle, kneels and puts his forehead to the floor and says,
"Before you oh Lord, I am nothing."
The Rabbi nudges the Cantor. "Look who thinks he's nothing!"
Hallo Anamor! *g*
da hast du natuerlich recht, entschuldigung, der witz mit deinem namen ist dir aufgefallen, aber das er gleich in zwei postings von dir einen widerhall findet, ist dann wirklich erst richtig lustig *zwinker*
beste gruesse, dein ogel
.Jews in Japan.
.On a Jewish holiday in Tokyo, Harry Siegel, far, far from his home in Staten Island, asked the Japanese hotel clerk, "Excuse me.
Would you happen to know if there is a Jewish synagogue here in Tokyo?
"Synagogue?" replied the clerk. "Ah, so Siegel-san. Ah, yes! Is synagogue! Leave hotel, walk down street two blocks, turn left -
banzai! - is synagogue!"
So Mr. Siegel left the hotel, followed the clerk's directions, and there - lo and behold - was a synagogue. He entered. All of the
worshipers were Japanese, as was the rabbi, and the Purim services had begun. Mr.Siegel happily joined in. When the services were
over, he went up to the rabbi and said,"My name is Siegel. I'm from America. I just want to tell you, Rabbi, how very happy I was to
be with you tonight."
The Japanese rabbi beamed. "Is honor! But excuse, you Jewish?"
"Certainly" replied Mr. Siegel.
"That's funny," said the rabbi. "You don't look Jewish."
..Jewish Life in Space
.This takes place in the old days when the first 3-man space shuttle
came splashing down from the moon and the ship the U.S.S. Seagull
(Jewish ship of course-Segal) picked up the capsule. The first man who
got out of the capsule was Protestant and the clergyman of his faith
asked him; "How was it my son?" The Protestant astronaut answered with
a big healthy smile; "It was truly a great experience, etc." The second
man was Catholic and when he emerged from the capsule the priest blessed
him and asked him; "In the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost-
How was it?" and the reply was; "It was fabulous Father!" The third man,
of course, was Jewish and with great effort left the space ship and was
huffing and puffing and the Rabbi came up to him and asked him; "How
come-Nu, what happened? The other two astronauts came out composed and
refreshed-and you, Nu?" The Jewish astronaut answered-breathing very
heavily; "Every 90 minutes, 'Shacharit, Mincha, Mariv - Shacharit,
Mincha, Mariv'!.
und wo Du doch so langsam von Begriff bist :-))
Übrigens, wenn schon denn schon: an Amor :-))
Was ist der Unterschied zwischen einem Impotenten, einem Frigiden und einem Senilen? Der Impotente will, aber kann nicht. Der Frigide kann, aber will nicht. Und der Senile will und kann - weiß aber nicht mehr, was.
Ciao,
Romana
hallo atropa bella donna ;-)
und wo Du doch so langsam von Begriff bist :-))
lol genau auf die unterstellungsaussage/witz von dir habe ich hinzugearbeitet, danke dir! *yeah! freu* hihi
Übrigens, wenn schon denn schon: an Amor :-))
nix da siehe oben ;-)
beste gruesse, lego
.Paratrooper in Israel
.An American Paratrooper named Mike O'Brien decided to join the Israeli Air Force. Things were just too
quiet in the States. He explained that he had lots of experience and was raring to go.
The following Thursday he is outfitted with a parachute and told they were going to jump over th Golan
Heights. He asked, "Where is the second chute?" The officer in charge told him only one was necessary. He
asked, "What do I do if it doesn't open?" The officer said "you say the Shema and you have nothing to worry
about". He asked the officer how to say the Shema, and he practiced it diligently.
Sure enough his first time out the chute doesn't open. He says the Shema and an enormous hand suddenly
appears and catches him and gently lowers him to the ground. On his way down he is so stunned by the
enormity of it all he says, "Jesus Christ!" The hand turns over and drops him out.
.
http://www.simillimum.net/bell.txt.htm
"Vati, was ist ein Vakuum?"
"Mensch, Junge ich hab´s im Kopf - aber ich komm nicht drauf!"
hallo romana,
ja genau das meinte ich, damit machten sich roemerinnen schoen, indem sie sich den saft der atropa bella donna in die augen traeufelten fuer extra grosse pupillen, auch schlafzimmerblick genannt, vulgo fuer kurz vor dem orgasmus stehend ;-)
*zwinker zwinker gross anblick g*
http://www.simillimum.net/bell.txt.htm
also hier ist noch einer ;-)
cu soon lego,
.Probelm with Jewish Food
Two Chinese men are coming out of a Jewish restaurant,
and one says to the other: "The problem with Jewish food
is that two days later, you're hungry again"
..
Hi Lego,
hast Du zuviel "Leben des Brian" angeschaut? :-)
Weshalb setzt Du das mit Belladonna so in die Vergangenheit? Oder wird eine C30 Potenz heute nur noch bei Flugangst eingeworfen?
Ciao,
Romana
New Orleans. Ein Neger sitzt in der Strassenbahn und liest eine jiddische Zeitung. Da klopft ihm ein Jude auf die Schulter und sagt:
"Es reicht Ihnen wohl nicht, Neger zu sein?"
hallo belladonna
hast Du zuviel "Leben des Brian" angeschaut? :-)
oehm den habe ich zwei mal gesehen, ist aber letztmalig mehr als ein jahrzehnt her, wieso? *g*
Weshalb setzt Du das mit Belladonna so in die Vergangenheit?
habe ich gar nicht, ist mir voellig egal, wer und ob ueberhaupt sich noch zwecks schminken atropa bella donna in die augen traeufelt. tust du es? hihi
Oder wird eine C30 Potenz heute nur noch bei Flugangst
eingeworfen?
was ist denn das, C30 und flugangst?
New Orleans. ...
ah den kannte ich ein wenig anders, komme aber nicht drauf
beste gruesse, lego
Religious Positions
A young orthodox couple, about to get married, are consulting with the Rebbe on the question of marital
responsibilities and do's and don'ts. As they proceed with the discussion, the questions begin to deal with
acceptable positions in which the soon-to-be-newlywed couple may engage in the ultmate expression of their
physical desire for each other.
"Rabbi", asks the young man, "are we allowed to make love in a sitting position?"
The Rabbi thinks a bit and replies in the affirmative.
"Rabbi" he asks again, "can we make love in the spoon position?"
Again the Rabbi thinks a moment and responds in the affirmative.
The positions are beginning to become more and more complicated, yet in each case, the Rabbi responds
affirmatively. Then, the young man says, "Rabbi, what about in the standing position. Are we allowed to make
love standing up?"
Without hesitation, the Rabbi says, "Oh no, my children, that is definitely not allowed!".
"Why?", asks the young man.
"Why? Well, because making love standing up COULD lead to ... dancing!!"
