Dies hier?
To the outside observer, President Bush may have appeared to have handled his
meetings in his recent trip to Japan, South Korea and China flawlessly.
However, it can now be said: A great deal of preparation was necessary to pull
this off. For one thing, the President had some difficulties focusing on all
the strange names he would be encountering.
Here’s a blow-by-blow of the first briefing between him and Condoleezza Rice,
the National Security Advisor, to prepare for the trip:
Rice: Mr. President, I need to brief you on some of the key meetings on the
trip. I thought we would start by identifying the names of the principal people
you will be meeting.
Bush: Good, Condi. Just be easy on me. You know how I struggle with foreign
names.
Rice: Yes, sir. In the meeting with Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi,
you will be hearing a briefing from their Minister Inouye about the American
troops stationing issues. Two days later our main focus will be on the meeting
with South Korean President Kim Dae-Jung and their military chief, General Doh
Noh. In China, you will be hearing a briefing from their Vice Chairman Hu on
trade balance and World Trade Organization issues.
Bush: I’m sorry, Condi. Those names just flashed right by. I’m not even sure I
heard the names in fact.
Rice (thinking): Mr. President, maybe there’s an easy way to remember the order
in which you’ll meet them. Inouye will be first, Doh Noh second and Hu will be
up third.
Bush: Wait. Who’s first?
Rice: No sir. Hu’s up third.
Bush: That’s that I want to find out. And who’s up second?
Rice (patiently): No, Hu’s up third.
Bush: I mean the fellow’s name!
Rice: Yes.
Bush: The guy I meet second!
Rice: Doh Noh.
Bush: Why don’t you? I thought you were trying to tell me who was up first.
Rice: No, I wasn’t. Hu is third.
Bush: I certainly don’t know!!
Rice: He is up second!
Bush: Who?
Rice: The other guy.
Bush: What other guy? The guy who’s up first?
Rice: No, Hu’s on third.
Bush: Now, suppose that I’m in this meeting. I’ve got to address him by his
name of course. But I don’t know who’s the South Korean military Chief of
Staff.
Rice: You’ve almost got it, Mr. President. Doh Noh is the military chief. Hu is
the Chinese Vice Chairman.
Bush: „Don’t know,“ you say, is the military chief?
Rice: Now you understand.
Bush: I don’t even know that I’m talkin’ about!
Rice: Well, that’s all you have to do.
Bush: Is to meet I don’t know who.
Rice: Not Hu. Doh Noh.
Bush: Don’t know?
Rice: Naturally!
Bush: Who’s the one?
Rice: No, Hu’s not the one. You’ve got to say, „Doh Noh.“
Bush: I just go up to the top general of the South Korean military, who looks
up to us for their very survival. You want me to say, „Minister, don’t know I’m
pleased to meet you?“
Rice: Naturally!
Bush: He will won’t be offended? He won’t think I’m a few bamboo shoots shy of
a thatched roof?
Rice: Not at all. He’ll be flattered, just like you sometimes are.
Bush (retaining control): Condi, are you taping this conversation for some
reason?
Rice: No, sir. It may not be something we want to keep for your Presidential
Library.
Bush: So, then who’s the one I’m meeting in Korea?
Rice: Doh Noh. I’m telling you he is up second.
Bush: You’re telling me but you don’t know?
Rice: I do know! Doh Noh.
Bush: What?
Rice: That’s the next trip, the ruins in Thailand.
Bush: Condi, have you been sippin’ somethin’ this mornin’?
Rice (thinking that might be a very good idea): No, sir. Now, of course we are
considering signing the trade agreement at this meeting in China.
Bush: Who signs the contract for China?
Rice: Absolutely. Very good!
Bush (slowly touching Rice on the shoulder): Wait! We need to make sure the
right man gets credit for this to influence future events. Who gets the credit
for this in China?
Rice: All of it. Why not? The man’s entitled to it.
Bush: Who is?
Rice: Yes. Although, I wouldn’t be surprised if his assistant minister doesn’t
try to horn in on the glory.
Bush: Whose assistant?
Rice: Right. Noh Won.
Bush (staring briefly at Rice, then speaking slowly and evenly): Just so I’ve
got this clear, my side meetings are first with the Japanese minister on
stationing American troops, then the Korean defense chief on joint military
defense, then the Chinese Vice Chairman regarding trade. But I’m still not
clear on their names. The Japanese minister –
Rice: Inouye.
Bush: „Either way,“ nothin’. I need to know the man’s name. I think you’re
sportin’ with me here. As for the Korean minister, your answer is –
Bush (simultaneously with Rice): DON’T KNOW.
Rice (simultaneously with Bush): DOH NOH.
Bush: Maybe we can take a break from this, Condi.
The National Security Advisor left the room and immediately was confronted by
Secretary of State Colin Powell.
Powell: How did it go?
Rice (shaking her head): I don’t know. Frankly, it could go either way,
depending on who’s up first.
Powell: Wait. Hu’s up third.
Rice: Try telling the President that.
