Why did the chicken cross the road?
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
PLATO: For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX: It was an historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that’s the only trip the establishment would
let it take.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
JACK NICHOLSON: 'cause it f@#*^&*g wanted to. That’s the f@#*^$*g
reason.
RONALD REAGAN: I forget.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone
before.
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
ARTHUR ANDERSEN CONSULTANT: Deregulation of the chicken’s side of
the
road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was
faced
with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies
required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in
a
partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by
rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation
processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen
helped
the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and
experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology
in
support of its overall strategy within a Program Management
framework.
Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road
analysts
and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills
in
the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of
meetings in order
to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and
explicit,
and to
enable them to Synergize with each other in order to achieve the
implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and
implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the
continuum
of poultry cross-median
processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling
and
creating
an environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and
built upon
a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with
the
chicken’s
mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the
creation of a
total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the
chicken change to
become more successful.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The
chicken ‚crossed‘ the black man in order to trample him and keep
him
down.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will
be
free to
cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the
chicken, „Thou shalt cross the road.“ And the chicken crossed the
road, and there was
much rejoicing.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many
more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the
chicken did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who
cares why?
The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t
anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing
walking
around all over the place, anyway?"
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken
crossed
the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which
will not
only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents,
and balance your checkbook.
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, „Why did the chicken cross the
road?“ Rather, it is, „Who was crossing the road at the same time,
whom we overlooked
in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?“
DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally
selected in
such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved
beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road it
transcended
it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
COLONEL SANDERS: What I missed one?
