The top 100 reasons it’s great to be a guy
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Movie nudity is virtually always female.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Monday Night Football.
You don’t have to monitor your friends sex lives.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends don’t give you crap if you’ve lost or gained weight.
Dry cleaners and haircutter’s don’t rob you blind.
When clicking through the channel, you don’t have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
All your orgasms are real.
A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
Guys in hockey masks don’t attack you.
You don’t have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
You understand why Stripes is funny.
You can go to the bathroom with out a support group.
Your last name stays put.
You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
When your work is criticized, you don’t have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
You can kill your own food.
The garage is all yours.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
You never have to clean the toilet.
You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
The National College Cheerleading Championship
None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
You don’t have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite.
If you’re 34 and single nobody notices.
You can write your name in the snow.
You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
Flowers fix everything.
You never have to worry about other people’s feelings.
You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
Foreplay is optional.
Michael Bolton doesn’t live in your universe.
Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don’t give a rat’s ass if someone notices your new haircut.
You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours without even thinking (He must be mad at me)
The world is your urinal.
You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
You get to jump up and slap stuff.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
One mood, all the time.
You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one’s just too skeevy.
You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
Same work…more pay.
Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
You don’t have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
You don’t care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth’s population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
You don’t mooch off others’ desserts.
If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.
The remote is yours and yours alone.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
ESPN’s sports center.
You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
You needn’t pretend you’re „freshening up“ to go to the bathroom.
If you don’t call your buddy when you say you will, he won’t tell you friends you’ve changed.
Someday you’ll be a dirty old man.
You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase „F*#k it!“
If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
Princess Di’s death was almost just another obituary.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you’re not in the mood.
You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
If something mechanical didn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
You don’t have to remember everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries.
Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: „So…notice anything different?“
Baywatch
There is always a game on somewhere.
bicy
22. Oktober 2008 um 22:11
2
100 reasons why it’s great to be a girl
free dinners
free lunches
free brunches
free movies (you get the point)
you can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks you’re gay
you can cry without pretending there’s something in your contact
you know the truth about whether size matters
speeding ticket? What’s that? (???)
you can hug your friend without wondering if YOU’RE gay
you actually get extra points for sitting on your butt watching sports
you don’t have to try to laugh louder, deeper and harder than your
if you never have a son, it’s okay
if you do have a son, and he’s a lousy athlete, it’s still okay
if YOU’RE a lousy athlete, you don’t have to question your worth as a
a new lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life
in high school, you never had to walk down the hall with your binder
if you have sex with someone and don’t call them the next day, it
you don’t have to count how many people you’ve slept with
condoms make no significant difference in your enjoyment of sex
if you have to be home in time for 90210, you can say so, out loud
if you’re not making enough money, you can blame the glass ceiling
you can sleep your way to the top
you can sue for sexual harassment
you can sue the President for sexual harassment
if you’re not very attractive, you can fool 'em with makeup
if you use self-tanner, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a big loser
same with tanning beds
nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep
you could possibly live your whole life without ever taking a group
you can get free stuff just by smiling sweetly
if you’re pregnant, YOU get to decide what to do about it
Brad Pitt
you don’t have to fart to amuse yourself
if you cheat on your spouse, people assume it’s because you’re being
you never have to wonder if your orgasm was real
you’ll never have to decide where to hide your nose-hair clipper
when you take off your shoes, nobody passes out
if the person you’re dating is much better at something than you are,
if you think the person your dating really likes you, you don’t have to
excitement is only as far away as the nearest drug/beauty-aid store
if you don’t shave, no one will know
you can congratulate your teammate without ever touching her ass
if you have a zit, you can conceal it
you don’t have to reach down every so often to make sure your privates
if you want to have sex, you always can
if you’re dumb, some people will find it cute
you don’t have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in
if you love someone, it’s easy for you to tell them
you can dress yourself
your hair is yours to keep
if you ARE bald, people will think you did it on purpose, and you’re
once a month, you have an excuse to be a total bitch
you don’t need a special occasion to hug your dad
you never have to wonder if you’ll offend someone by opening then door
when necessary, you can live without sex
you can always get a ride hitchhiking
you don’t have to pretend to like cigars
you don’t have to pretend you liked cigars before they were cool
you’ll never have to blow 2 months salary on anything
you can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture
if you marry someone 20 years younger, you know you look like an idiot
you don’t think that wearing a warm coat in the dead of winter makes you
you’re rarely compelled to scream at the TV
if you wear cologne, you don’t have to pretend it’s aftershave
you’ll probably never see someone you know while peeing in an alley
you never have to punch a hole through anything with your fist
you don’t have a scar right under your chin
you and your friends don’t have to get totally wasted in order to share
if you talk to your mom every day, it’s normal
if you pick up the check once in a while, that’s plenty
sitting and watching people is all the entertainment you need
you can quickly end any fight simply by crying
you can decide not to work once you’ve had kids
your friend won’t think you’re weird when you ask if there’s spinach in
when you get a million catalogues in the mail, it’s a good thing
sometimes, chocolate truly can solve all your problems
if you’re under 6’, you don’t have to lie about it
you have never had a goatee
gay waiters don’t make you uncomfortable
you’ll never regret piercing your ears
you can fully assess someone just by looking at their shoes
you’ll never discover you’ve been fooled by a Wonderbra
when you wear sweatpants, it isn’t obscene
you know better than to ever use Grecian Formula
it doesn’t take you an hour to go to the bathroom
you don’t have hair on your back
your doctor never has to put on a rubber glove
when you get dumped, you can admit you’re depressed
if anything on your body isn’t as big as it should be, you can get
you can tell which glass was yours by the lipstick mark
If you have big ears, no one has to know
if someone takes your seat in a bar, you don’t have to hit them
it’s okay if you can’t drive a stick
Ally McBeal
you get to hate Kathie Lee in the way only another woman truly can
you can be attracted to someone just because they’re really funny
you can borrow your spouse’s clothes and it doesn’t mean you belong on
you’ve known the joy of making a collage for your BFF
you bond easily
when you become President, you’ll be the first woman ever
when you take off your shoes, nobody passes out
Glatt gelogen! Ich sage nur: Pumps + Nylons = chemische Kriegsführung. Da kommt keine Torwartsocke gegen an…
Gruß
PW:
kicher!
condoms make no significant difference in your enjoyment
Das ist mein Lieblingsvorteil. Nein, äh, ich meine, das finde ich am lustigsten!
Trilli
PW (von http://www.kindermund.de ):
Im Kinderchor müssen Noten kopiert werden. Ich frage, wo denn das Kopiergerät ist. Dominik (9) weiß es: »Du musst nur eine Oktave tiefer gehen, da steht es.«