Englisch Korrektur

Sprachen Fremdsprachen
#1

Hey Leute,

ich hab hier einen Englischen Text. Könntet Ihr mal rüber schauen ob Ihr irgendwo Fehler seht müsst nicht alles korrektieren nur wenn Ihr was sehen solltet … wäre echt nett von euch

Today I would like tell you something about my favorite hobby. My favorite hobby is basketball. Of course I have other hobby´s such as talking with friend or playing football but basketball is my favorite hobby and sport. Why? That I´ll tell you later. At first I would like tell you some broad fakes about the rules and the constructions of a basketball game. The field in a basketball game is 28 meters long and 15 meters wide and on each side is a basket. The target is to throw the ball into the basket and which team has on the end of the game the most points, win the game. A game takes 4 times 10 Minutes. In team there are 5 players: the shooting guard, the point guard, the center, the power forward and the small forward. The game starts with the so called “jump-ball”. The jump-ball makes the referee. He goes to the middle of the field and throws the ball in the high and one player from each team jump and try to get the ball. Now I tell you the “point-rules” in a game. If you shoot the ball in this zone and you score a basket you will get 2 points. There also a 3-point-line and when you score a basket from this line you will get 3 points. And when you will shoot the ball and somebody fouls you, you get a free-throw. And if you score there a basket you will get 1 point. So that was the board rules and constructions of a basketball game. Now I would like tell: Why is basketball my favorite hobby? Basketball is my favorite hobby, because I love it. I love to play basketball, I love the feeling when you shoot the ball and I love the tension on the end of the game. And also I love when I do a rebound or a block. A Rebound is when somebody misses a shoot and you are the player, who jump higher as the other players and gets the ball and a block is when somebody will shot the ball and you block this shoot and prevent this shoot. But the most fun is when you have a team that are also love to play basketball and which gets everything in a game. And so I would like tell you something about my team. In my team there are also 6 players: Marvin, Arewic, Niels, Maurice, Manuel and I. I train with my team every week on Thursdays from 3 o´clock to half past 5. We have fun, when we play together and we have take part on a lot of competitions. Our last competition was for 1 week and we have won the competition. Heir you can see the medals, which we have won. In the future I will play together with Marvin in the district-League in Freital. That’s was my presentation about my favorite hobby basketball. I hope you have enjoy it and when you have any questions , you can ask me.

Bitte … wäre toll

#2

ich hab hier einen Englischen Text.

Nö. Eben nicht.
Ich wäre bereit zu korrigieren , wenn du vorher erstmal zumindest die gröbsten Rechtschreibfehler berichtigst. Dafür reicht ein Wörterbuch oder Google.

Jo

#3

Hi,

hm aso ich unterstreich Dir mal die Fehler, die mir beim ersten Lesen auffallen (SO viele, wie es bei JoCor klingt, sind es nicht), und Du versuchst dich an der Korrektur. Manche Fehler sind Grammatikfehler, andere betreffen die Rechtschreibung, manchmal hast Du eine falsche Vokabel gewählt… aber die Arbeit machst Du jetzt erstmal alleine :smile:
Stilistisch: In einem Referat ist es nie gut, zu sagen „Jetzt mache ich dies und jenes“. Das sind auch immer die langweiligsten Momente im Unterricht, wenn der Lehrer sowas sagt… Red nicht drüber, tu’s einfach!
Außerdem ist es nicht gut, wenn man dasselbe Wort innerhalb von wenigen Zeilen huhdertmal wiederholt. Ersetze das mal durch ein Pronomen oder ein Synonym (an ein paar Stellen ist das bei Dir mit ball, team und basketball so).
Wenn du damit durch bist, poste es nochmal hier, und dann gucken wir mal, wie verständlich es ist und ob es noch sehr deutsch klingt.

Today I would like tell you something about my favorite hobby.
My favorite hobby is basketball. Of course I have other
hobby´s such as talking with friend or playing football but
basketball is my favorite hobby and sport. Why? That I´ll tell
you later. At first I would like tell you some broad fakes
about the rules and the constructions of a basketball game.
The field in a basketball game is 28 meters long and 15 meters
wide and on each side is a basket. The target is to throw the
ball into the basket and which team has on the end of the game
the most points, win the game. A game takes 4 times 10
Minutes. In team there are 5 players: the shooting guard, the
point guard, the center, the power forward and the small
forward. The game starts with the so called “jump-ball”. The
jump-ball makes the referee. He goes to the middle of the
field and throws the ball in the high and one player from each
team jump and try to get the ball. Now I tell you the
“point-rules” in a game. If you shoot the ball in this zone
and you score a basket you will get 2 points. There is also a
3-point-line and when you score a basket from this line you
will get 3 points. And when you will shoot the ball and
somebody fouls you, you get a free-throw. And if you score
there a basket you will get 1 point. So that was the board
rules and constructions of a basketball game. Now I would like
tell: Why is basketball my favorite hobby? Basketball is my
favorite hobby, because I love it. I love to play basketball,
I love the feeling when you shoot the ball and I love the
tension on the end of the game. And also I love when I do a
rebound or a block. A Rebound is when somebody misses a shoot
and you are the player, who jump higher as the other players
and gets the ball and a block is when somebody will shot the
ball and you block this shoot and prevent this shoot. But the
most fun is when you have a team that are also love to play
basketball and which gets everything in a game. And so I would
like tell you something about my team. In my team there are
also 6 players: Marvin, Arewic, Niels, Maurice, Manuel and I.
I train with my team every week on Thursdays from 3 o´clock to
half past 5. We have fun, when we play together and we have
take part on a lot of competitions. Our last competition was
for 1 week and we have won the competition. Heir you can see
the medals, which we have won. In the future I will play
together with Marvin in the district-League in Freital. That’s
was my presentation about my favorite hobby basketball. I hope
you have enjoy it and when you have any questions , you can
ask me.

die Franzi

#4

Hi Franzi,

hm aso ich unterstreich Dir mal die Fehler, die mir beim
ersten Lesen auffallen (SO viele, wie es bei JoCor klingt,
sind es nicht)

Stimmt. Aufgefallen sind dir noch nicht so viele :wink:

Schau mer mal, ob der UP mal was vorlegt…

Gruß

Jo

1 Like
#5

so habs jetzt nochmal… in klammern stehen ein paar hinweise …nur bei manchen Unterstreichungen wusste ich nicht was du damit meintst:

Today I would like tell you something about my favorite hobby.
My favorite hobby is basketball. Of course I have other
hobbies such as talking with friends or playing football but
basketball is my favorite hobby and sport. Why? That I´ll tell
you later. At first I would like tell you some broad facts
about the rules and the constructions ( möchte sagen das ich die regeln und den Aufbau eines Spiels erkläre)of a basketball game.
The field in a basketball game is 28 meters long and 15 meters
wide and on each side is a basket. The target (was sol lich für ein anderes wort für ziel nehmen) is to throw the
ball into the basket and which team have on the end of the game
the most points, win the game. A game takes 4 times 10
Minutes. In team there are 5 players: the shooting guard, the
point guard, the center, the power forward and the small
forward. The game starts with the so called “jump-ball”. The
jump-ball does the referee. He goes to the middle of the
field and throws the ball in the air and one player from each
team jump and try to get the ball. Now I tell you the
“point-rules” in a game. If you throw the ball in this („this“ beziehe ich auf ein bild… zeig also bilder)zone
and you score a basket you will get 2 points. There is also a
3-point-line and when you score a basket from this line you
will get 3 points. And when you throw the ball and
somebody fouls you, you get a free-throw. And if you score
a basket you will get 1 point. So that was the board
rules and constructions of a basketball game. Now I would like
tell: Why is basketball my favorite hobby? Basketball is my
favorite hobby, because I love it. I love to play basketball,
I love the feeling when you throw the ball and I love the
tension at the end of the game. And also I love when I do a
rebound or a block. A Rebound is when somebody misses a shot
and you are the player, who jump higher as the other players
and gets the ball and a block is when somebody throw the
ball and you block this shot and prevent this shot. But the
most fun is when you have a team that also love to play
basketball and which give everything in a game. And so I would
like tell you something about my team. In my team there are
also 6 players: Marvin, Arewic, Niels, Maurice, Manuel and I.
I train with my team every week on Thursdays from 3 o´clock to
half past 5. We have fun, when we play together and we have
take part on a lot of competitions. Our last competition was
1 week ago and we have won the competition. Heir you can see
the medals, which we have won. In the future I will play
together with Marvin in the district-League (Bezirksliga)in Freital. That’s
was my presentation about my favorite hobby basketball. I hope
you have enjoyed and when you have any questions, you can
ask me

Antitofuesser

#6

habe mal unterstrichen, was noch falsch ist und teilweise verbessert.

Today I would like tell you something about my favorite hobby.

Ist die amerikanische Schreibweise beabsichtigt? Dann müsstest du andere Sachen ändern!

My favorite hobby is basketball. Of course I have other
hobbies such as talking with friends or playing football but
basketball is my favorite hobby and sport. Why? That I´ll tell
you later. At first I would like tell you some broad facts
about the rules and the constructions ( möchte sagen das :ich
die regeln und den Aufbau eines Spiels erkläre)of a basketball
game.

rules and regulations

The field in a basketball game

the basketball court

is 28 meters long and 15 meters

nicht korrekt, da nicht metrische Abmessungen

wide and on each side is a basket. The target (was sol lich
für ein anderes wort für ziel nehmen)

the object of the game

is to throw the
ball into the basket and which team have on the end of the
game
the most points, win the game.

And the winner is the team with the most points at the end of the game

A game takes 4 times 10
Minutes. In team there are 5 players:

There are five players in a team

the shooting guard, :the
point guard, the center, the power forward and the small
forward. The game starts with the so called “jump-ball”.

jump ball

The
jump-ball does the referee. He goes to the middle of the
field and throws the ball in the air and one player from each
team jump and try to get the ball. Now I tell you :the
“point-rules” in a game. If you throw the ball in this („this“
beziehe ich auf ein bild… zeig also bilder)zone
and you score a basket you will get 2 points. There is also a
3-point-line and when you score a basket from this line you
will get 3 points. And when you throw the ball and
somebody fouls you, you get a free-throw.

free throw shot

And if you score
a basket you will get 1 point. So that was the board
rules and constructions of a basketball game. Now I would like
tell: Why is basketball my favorite hobby? Basketball is my
favorite hobby, because I love it. I love to play basketball,
I love the feeling when you throw the ball and I love the
tension at the end of the game. And also I love when I do a
rebound or a block. A Rebound is when somebody misses a shot
and you are the player, who jump higher as the other players
and gets the ball and a block is when somebody throw the
ball and you block this shot and prevent this shot. But the
most fun is when you have a team that also love to play
basketball and which give everything in a game. And so I :would
like tell you something about my team. In my team there are
also 6 players:

Why also? Before you said 5.

Marvin, Arewic, Niels, Maurice, Manuel and I.
I train with my team every week on Thursdays from 3 o´clock to
half past 5. We have fun, when we play together and we have
take part on a lot of competitions. Our last competition :was
1 week ago and we have won the competition. Heir you can :see
the medals, which we have won. In the future I will play
together with Marvin in the district-League (Bezirksliga)in
Freital. That’s
was my presentation about my favorite hobby basketball. I hope
you have enjoyed and when you have any questions, you can
ask me

Jo

2 Like
#7

Ich geh nochmal grob drüber; leichtere Rechtschreibfehler/Kommafehler ignoriere ich jetzt, da du es vorträgst.

Today I would like tell you something about my favorite hobby.
My favorite hobby is basketball. Of course I have other
hobbies such as talking with friends or playing football but
basketball is my favorite hobby and sport. Why? That I´ll tell
you later. At first I would like tell you some broad facts
about the rules and the constructions ( möchte sagen das ich
die regeln und den Aufbau eines Spiels erkläre) the course of a basketball
game.
The field in a basketball game is 28 meters long and 15 meters
wide and on each side is a basket. The target (was sol lich
für ein anderes wort für ziel nehmen) aim of the game is to throw the
ball into the basket and which team have on the end of the
game
the most points, win the game (Satzbau ab which; fang einen neuen Satz mit: „The team which“ an und denke an 3rd person s). A game takes 4 times 10
Minutes. In A team there are 5 players (positions?): the shooting guard, the
point guard, the center, the power forward and the small
forward. The game starts with the so called “jump-ball”. The
jump-ball does the referee (subject verb object). He goes to the middle of the
field and throws the ball in the air and one player from each
team jump and try (3rd person s) to get the ball. Now I tell you the
“point-rules” in a game. If you throw the ball inTO this („this“
beziehe ich auf ein bild… zeig also bilder)zone
and you score a basket you will get 2 points. There is also a
3-point-line and when if you score a basket from this line you
will get 3 points. And when you throw the ball and
somebody fouls you, you get a free-throw. And if you score
a basket you will get 1 point. So that was the board
rules and constructions of a basketball game. Now I would like
tell: Why is basketball my favorite hobby? Basketball is my
favorite hobby, because I love it. I love to play basketball,
I love the feeling when you throw the ball and I love the
tension at the end of the game. And also I love when I do a
rebound or a block. A Rebound is when somebody misses a shot
and you are the player, who jumpS higher as the other players
and gets the ball and a block is when somebody throwS the
ball and you block this shot and prevent this shot. But the
most fun is when you have a team that also love to play
basketball and which give everything in a game. And so I would
like tell you something about my team. In my team there are
also 6 players: Marvin, Arewic, Niels, Maurice, Manuel and I.
I train with my team every week on Thursdays from 3 o´clock to
half past 5. We have fun, when we play together and we have
takeN part on a lot of competitions. Our last competition was
1 week ago and we have won the competition. Heir you can see
the medals, which we have won. In the future I will play
together with Marvin in the district-League (Bezirksliga)in
Freital. That’s
was my presentation about my favorite hobby basketball. I hope
you have enjoyed IT and when you have any questions, you can
ask me

Grüße

1 Like
#8

… auch jetzt habe ich noch Fehler übersehen, die aber von Franzi schon bei erster Durchsicht unterstrichen wurden.

Gruß

Jo

#9

thx a lot, mitzisch, my head’s already about to implode

#10

LOL - Don’t implode, we need you here :wink: …
Im Ernst: Diese Art von Text ist „tägliches Brot“ für mich und unser TE hat sich redlich Mühe gegeben.
Ich habe deine Antwort erst gesehen, als ich gerade gepostet hatte. Aber ich glaube, mit unserer dreifachen Kompetenz haben wir sicher die meisten Fehler abgedeckt.

Grüße
mitzisch

#11

Eine kleine interkulturelle Bemerkung

Red nicht drüber, tu’s einfach!

Einspruch, mit Verlaub.
Da muss ich sagen: dies mag für den deutschen Sprachraum stimmen.

Im englischsprachigen Raum gilt diese Formel :

1-Erzähl worüber du berichten wirdst
2-Tue es
3-Erzähl worüber du berichtet hast

Mein Wissen ist aktuellst :wink:) aus dem Studium. Unsere Dozenten wiederholen diese Formel/Regel ständig.

Grüße,
Lieb-Elle

1 Like
#12

Hi,

zuerst eine einleitende Bemerkung. Ich möchte zuerst sagen, dass man das sicher an der Uni so sagen mag, und mit Berechtigung, und ich ewerde dir auch sagen, warum. Das wird gemacht, wenn der Vortrag insgesamt länger ist.

Jetzt zu den etwas detaillierteren Gründen. Zuerst zu dem Fall, indem es einen Sinn macht. Wir reden hier von einem Vortrag, der insgesamt keine 3min dauert. Da ist die Ankündigung so lang wie der eigentliche Inhaltspunkt, da wirkt es absurd.

Nun zu den Fällen, in denen es sinnvoll ist. Wenn ich mehr zu sagen habe, hat die Vorankündigung die Rolle einer Zusammenfassung und gibt Orientierung. Das wird auch im Deutschen so gemacht.

Nun noch zurück zu unserem vorliegenden Fall, ich werde noch inmal hervorheben, warum man da nicht so vorgehen kann. Die kleine Präsentation hier hat knapp über 100 Wörter (geschätzt, nicht gezählt), soll uns über die Regeln von Basketball informieren und verwenbdet drei Sätze, um zu sagen, dass er Basketball liebt. Völlig überzogen.

die Franzi
PS: hab ich nicht den langweiligsten TExt seit langem produziert? Würde ich im Untericht so reden, wären die Schüler nachdem ersten Absatz eingeschlafen.

3 Like
#13

So isses, Franzi.

verwendet drei Sätze, um zu sagen, dass er
Basketball liebt. Völlig überzogen.

Nicht nur drei Sätze, um zu sagen, dass es sein Lieblingshobby ist, sondern auch noch fünf, um zu sagen, dass es sein Hobby ist, weil er es liebt (sic!).
Das ist in keiner Kultur sinnvoll, das ist nur öde.

Cheers

Jo

1 Like