… Verbesserungsvorschläge?
Hallo,
ich habe eine englische Geschichte in Form eines Tagebucheintrages geschrieben (es ist eine Anlehnung an den Roman „Dracula“ von Bram Stoker aus der Sicht von Jonathan Harker). Hat jemand Verbesserungsvorschläge?
"Sunset. – When Quincey turned around, we saw that he pressed his hand on his chest. Blood ran through his fingers, so that we all were worried. “Mr. Harker, you cut his throat while I stab him with my Bowie knife.” We wanted to do as he said: While I cut the Count’s throat, Quincey tried to stab him. But suddenly, Dracula got up from his box and took Quincey’s knife. We all were scared. None of us knew what to do. The vampire came towards us with a gruesome expression upon his face – and then he stabbed all of us. All except from Quincey; he had already been stabbed by the gipsies that protected Dracula. I felt a stabbing pain in my chest, and when I fell down to the ground, I saw Qunincey lying next to me. Dead. That was the last thing I should see before darkness came over me.
I must have laid there for at least thirty minutes, for the sun had already set when I awoke. I was scared. My hand was lying on my chest, but I could not feel my heartbeat. “Mein Gott! Now we’re un-dead. Nosferatu. Vampyr. Our blood is infected with the virus. Goodness, we became unholy creatures of the Hell! Servants of Lucifer himself!” van Helsing cried desperately. He was as shocked as all of us. I do not know where, when and how, but we must have tasted from the Count’s blood or from the one of one of the other vampires. Dracula, his coach and all of his gipsies had disappeared. I am not sure, but I guess that they went on to Borgo Pass, directly to his castle. Because we did not know, we could not go on hunting him.
“What shall we do now?” Mina asked Professor van Helsing. “You know a lot about vampires, don’t you? Can you teach us?” - “It seems like I have to”, he replied with a sad voice. “Is this my reward for saving the world from terrible diseases – and vampires?”
While I write this, I can feel my veins burning and my canine teeth growing. This feeling is unknown to me, but I think it is bloodlust. What a terrible feeling! Now I understand why Dracula bit all the people. Everything I hear is louder, everything I smell is more intensive and everything I can see is clearer. Will I ever get used to this? To an eternal life with bloodlust and such strong senses? O r shall I ask van Helsing to drive a stake through my heart? No! I may not give up!
I am still wearing the clothes I wore when I died, for it had only been an hour or a little more from my death to now. My crucifix is still hanging around my neck. I wonder why it does not harm me. Maybe we are different from other vampires, for religious things – such as crucifixes or holy water - normally burn their skin when they touch them.
I heard a rabbit jumping around. “What are you waiting for? Catch it!” van Helsing said. When I held it in my hands, I wondered whether I should really kill this cute little thing. But if I wanted to get rid of this burning pain, I had to. My canine teeth grew. I pulled the rabbit’s head back and dug them into its throat. God, forgive me! I have to admit that it was the best thing to do, for the pain has almost gone.
When van Helsing took out his mirror, I realised that me and all the others had a reflection in it. The Professor could not explain this. “We must be a new kind of vampires”, he guessed.
´We do not fight a single monster but legions of them.´ - ´The vampire doesn’t die like the bee after the first sting; he grows stronger.´ - ´Your last drop of blood? Thank you, you’re very welcome here. I didn’t ask as much as that. Not yet.´ - ´A peasant unearths no grain to see whether it grows. Only children who play peasant do this, but not those who earn their money with it.´ - ´She’s not a helpless victim, she’s a willing recruit. She is… the devil’s… concubine!´ All of van Helsing’s quotations which I ever heard or read in the other’s diaries came into my mind, and some of them now were fitting very well to us.
Becoming a vampire must have stressed me, for I feel very tired now.
24th November
Dawn. – After I had laid down, I fell asleep immediately. I woke up three hours later. Therefore, I came to the conclusion that vampires need less sleep than humans.
The sun does not weaken me. This is another strange thing that separates us from most of the other vampires.
27th November
I was not in the mood for writing during the last two days. We are driving along the Danube by ship now. Although we are vampires, we can cross water whenever we want. Unlike Dracula.
Today I had a wolf for breakfast. The largest animal I have bitten yet. Van Helsing had taught us a lot about hunting – although we are un-dead since only four days. After all of this, I wonder what we will witness in future…"
