A man walks into a pub together with an ostrich
and cat. They sit down at the bar and the man
orders a pint, the ostrich says: „The same for me.“
and the cat says: „Me too, but I won’t pay for it.“
The barkeeper puts down the three beers, says: „4£ 27“.
Without hesitation the man takes the exact amount of
change from his pocket, slabs it on the counter.
The man, the ostrich and the cat drink their beer and leave.
The next day they come again. The man orders a pint,
the ostrich the same, and the cat says: „I’ll have a
beer too, but I won’t pay for it.“ Again the man takes
the exact amount of change from his pocket,
pays the bill, they drink up and leave.
The next day - more of the same. But when they sit down
the man says: „I’ll have a whiskey, and make it a double.“
The ostrich agrees and the cat says: „I’ll have the same, but
I won’t pay for it.“ „£7.98,“ says the barkeeper.
Again, the man takes the exact amount of
change from his pocket, slabs it on the counter. Now the
barkeeper is getting curious, so he asks what this is all
about.
„Oh,“ says the man. „I met this fairy and she granted
me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked for money. But
I didn’t want to be greedy, so I just asked to have always
the correct amount in my pockets that I need to pay what
I asked for.“ „Fair enough,“ says the barkeeper. „But what
about those two?“ and he nods towards the ostrich and the cat.
„Well, for my next wishes,“ says the man, „I asked for a bird
with long legs and a tight pussy.“
…an all diejenigen die sich diesmal mit einem Übersetzungsversuch zurückgehalten haben denn nichts ist schlimmer als…
PW: Kommt ein Mann vom Golfen nach Hause. ‚‚Und, wie war es?‘‘ fragt ihn seine Gattin. ‚‚Ooooooch nicht so schlecht , ne 94 gespielt.‘‘ '‚Das ist doch gut‘ sagt sie daraufhin. ‚‚Und morgen spiele ich die zweiten neun Loch‘‘ sagt er.
A man walks into a pub and puts a little suitcase on the counter.
„I’ll show you something amazing if you give me 50 £.“
The barkeeper puts down the money, the man opens the suitcase and takes out a little man, about a foot high. He places him on the counter and the little man starts to walk around saying: „Hello. I am Dick van Dyke. Would you like me to do a number?“ and then proceeds to sing and dance the chimney sweep number from Mary Poppins. The barkeeper is suitably amazed, the other guests goggle. „Cor blimey,“ says the barkeeper „that is something. Where did you get this from then?“„Oh, you know, I met this fairy outside in the parking lot and she granted me a wish.“
„Brilliant,“ says the barkeeper. „Do you think she is still there?“
„Yeah, maybe, why not.“
So the barkeeper goes out and after a little while there is this great „SPLATSH!“-noise and a terrible stink of fish.
The barkeeper comes back screaming with rage: „You idiot! Why didn’t you tell me that this fairy was kind of a nutter. I asked her for a million pound – and she gave me a million pound OF PIKE!“
„Well,“ says the man. „You didn’t really think that I asked her for a footlong Dick VAN DYKE??!“