bräuchte verbesserung eines textes (engl.)

Sprachen Fremdsprachen
1

Die folgende Rede soll vor einer Firma über einen deutschen Mitarbeiter gehalten werden.
Die Zuhörer werden aus den USA, Deutschland, UK und Japan kommen.
Kann mir vielleicht jemand helfen ?
Ich habe im Moment einfach keine Zeit dafür, wäre sehr lieb !

Ich habe den Text nur von einem Mitarbeiter bekommen, der sich mit seinem Englisch selbst nicht so sicher ist, es soll halt nicht so ganz grausam klingen in den Ohren eines native Speakers…

Mr. S. is the year 2004 winner in the category …

At XY (firmenname) Mr. S. is kown as a very engaged and competent (Mitarbeiter) ?
He is one of the best teamworkers at XY. If one of his teammates has a question about a very difficult problem, either due to science or to organisation , S. always finds the solution.
Sometimes he is so busy that he even uses his breaks to control the incoming phonecalls at his mailbox. Because of this he’s got the nickname: S. with headphones.
It is very difficult for S. to relax after a long exhausting working day because four Females are waiting for him at home: his wife and three daughters. Everybody can imagine what this means: No relaxation for S. neither in his privacy nor in his job.
So S. has invented a new Antistress-System for himself: He imagines to be Michael Schumacher and drives very fast, even with the car of his Chief. And please believe this: Within two days he was flashed by police-radar-controls three times and now he’s got stress again: he has to worry about his driving license.
So S. please calm down and take it easy, slow down your everyday’s speed a little bit and enjoy your stay in Istanbul.

2

Hallo,

ich habe ein paar kleine Vorschlaege auf die Schnelle eingefuegt[], Das mit der Radarkontrolle braucht aber noch Verbesserung, finde ich.

Mr. S. is the (year 2004) [this years] winner in the category …

At XY (firmenname) Mr. S. is kown as a very engaged and
competent (Mitarbeiter) [is very engaged and competent]
He is one of the best teamworkers at XY. If one of his
teammates has a question about a very difficult problem,
either due to science or to organisation , S. always finds the
solution.
Sometimes he is so busy that he even uses his breaks to
(control) [check , control heisst steuern] (the incoming phonecalls [phone calls] at his mailbox.) [entweder incoming calls oder his mailbox oder beides aber nicht incoming calls at the mailbox]

[Sometimes he is so busy that he checks his phone messages during his breaks]
Because of this he’s got the nickname: S. with headphones. [das klingt vielleicht in Deutsch lustig, in english aber nicht - ich wuerde das raus lassen, evt. irgendwo erwaehnen, S. can always be seen with his headphones on, which of course lead to a distinct nickname for him]

It is very difficult for S. to relax after a long exhausting
working day because four Females are waiting for him at home:
his wife and three daughters. Everybody can imagine what this
means: No relaxation for S. neither in his privacy nor in his
job.
So S. has invented a new Antistress-System for himself: He
imagines to be Michael Schumacher and drives very fast, even
with the car of his (Chief) [Boss]. And please believe (this) [me]: Within two
days he was flashed by police-radar-controls three times and
now he’s got stress again: he has to worry about his
(driving license) [driver license].
So S. please calm down and take it easy, slow down your
everyday’s speed a little bit and enjoy your stay in
Istanbul.

3

Stimmt! :wink: -SCNR-
Hallo Larissa,

ein paar Anmerkungen auf die Schnelle:

Mr. S. is the year 2004 winner in the category ?

In 2004 Mr S is the winner in …

At XY (firmenname) Mr. S. is kown as a very engaged and

engaged: verlobt
engagiert: commited

competent (Mitarbeiter) ?

Hängt auch ein bisschen davon ab, wer die Rede hält: member of staff, co-worker, employee, colleague

He is one of the best teamworkers at XY. If one of his
teammates has a question about a very difficult problem,
either due to science or to organisation , S. always finds the

Soll das wirklich an dieser Stelle „due to“ sein? Das heißt „aufgrund von“. Meinst du vielleicht eher: „regarding“ -> bezüglich? Oder „related“: „in Zusammenhang mit“?

solution.
Sometimes he is so busy that he even uses his breaks to
control the incoming phonecalls at his mailbox. Because of

„control“? Was kontrolliert er hier? Meinst du vielleicht „check“?

this he?s got the nickname: S. with headphones.

Wie schon erwähnt: der Witz geht hier verloren.

It is very difficult for S. to relax after a long exhausting

Vielleicht statt „relax“ an dieser Stelle „chill out“?

working day because four Females are waiting for him at home:
his wife and three daughters.

…because his wife and three daughters are waiting for him at home.
Ich würde „four females“ (bzw. „women“) weglassen, hört sich schräg an.

Everybody can imagine what this
means:

Klingt umständlich und denglisch. Wie wäre es mit „You know what that means!“

No relaxation for S. neither in his privacy nor in his
job.

Nicht „relaxation“, die Satzgestaltung ist sehr deutsch. Eine sehr moderne Variante wäre „me time“, auf jeden Fall hier in GB.

Nicht „privacy“, sondern „leisure time“ oder „private life“. „privacy“ ist eher „Intimsphäre“.

So S. has invented a new Antistress-System for himself: He
imagines to be Michael Schumacher and drives very fast, even

Nicht „he imagines“, sondern eher „pretends to be“.

with the car of his Chief. And please believe this: Within two

chief: Häuptling
Chef: boss

days he was flashed by police-radar-controls three times and

Nope! Stattdessen vielleicht: „…he was caught by speed cameras three times …“

now he?s got stress again: he has to worry about his

„he is stressed out again“
„he is worrying“

driving license.
So S. please calm down and take it easy, slow down your
everyday?s speed a little bit and enjoy your stay in

„everday’s rush“

Istanbul.

Schönen Gruß,
Christiane

4

‚engaged‘ heisst nicht nur ‚verlobt‘
Hallo Christiane,

Engaged hat viele Bedeutungen, eine davon is verlobt. Hier ist ein Beispiel fuer eine andere Bedeutung (die, die der Schreiber der Rede (siehe Originalanfrage) auch meinte):

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/04051…

oder hier ist einfach nur der Text:

"… Trillions of red-eyed insects are crawling their way above ground in 14 states and the nation’s capital. Loudmouthed and ugly, the cicadas will fly clumsily into pets, bushes and unwitting pedestrians as they engage in a frenetic mating ritual that lasts well into June. Then they’ll disappear for another 17 years. (AP Photo/Ron Edmonds) "

Claudia

5

zB engagiert
Hi Claudia,

das sagt Mr. Check:

a) entschieden für etw. eintretend
b) starkes persönliches Interesse für etw. zeigend

Auf Dein Beispiel

„… as they engage in a frenetic mating ritual…“

passt vielleicht sich hingeben. Ojojoj, das wird zu lyrisch: Bei Zikaden bevorzuge ich sich hineinstürzen.

Gruß Ralf

6

Hallo Ralf,

stimmt zwar alles,
aber man kann nicht sagen: he is engaged
und meinen: er ist engagiert.
Dein Beispiel: they are engaged in an activity
funktioniert nur mit der Praeposition ‚in‘ und
heisst dann eben auch nicht ‚engagiert‘, sondern
‚sie machen das gerade‘ — muss gar nicht mal so
extrem wie ‚sich hineinwerfen‘, sondern nur: ich
mache gerade das.

Gruesse, Elke

7

Hi Elke,

aber man kann nicht sagen: he is engaged und meinen: er ist engagiert.

das stimmt natürlich, an diese Möglichkeit hatte ich gar nicht gedacht. Mir war nur „jemand engagiert sich“ in den Sinn gekommen.

Gruß Ralf