Disskusion auf englisch. bitte mal korrigieren

Sprachen Fremdsprachen
1

hallo,

ich habe für die schule eine disskusion auf englisch geschrieben. bin mir aber nicht so sicher, ob ich den satzbau und die grammatik richtig habe. ich würde mich freuen, wenn ihr mal schauen könnt, ob ihr irgendwelche fehler findet.

hier der text:

Almost everyone has a mobile, but is it really necessary to have your mobile always with you? I want to discuss about this question.

The first reason in contrast to take your mobile always with you is, that it is disturbing to other people. When the mobile is ringing in a restaurant or a train other people could be disturbed. Furthermore if you have your mobile always in your trouser pocket or you phone always with other people, the radiation would be harmful. Besides do you really need a cell-phone? You can go to a phone box.

On the other hand you are always reachable for your friends or parents. They can always call you and they know that you are ok. Another reason is that a mobile is not only a telephone. Nowadays you can use your mobile to take photos, listen to music or watch videos. These functions are practical. Moreover a mobile is necessary to do calls. For example you see an accident you can directly do an emergency call. This could save a life.

To sum up I think it could be practical to have a mobile with you when you are alone, but it make not much sense to have it with you when you are in school for example.

freue mich auf antworten

Lg diekaddi

2

Hello,

let’s have a look:

Eine Diskussion auf Deutsch ist was anderes als auf Englisch. Erörterung wäre im Deutschen der richtige Ausdruck.

Almost everyone has a mobile, but is it really necessary to
have your mobile always with you?

Almost everyone owns a mobile, but is it really nec. to have your mobile always on you? (carry it with you)

I want to discuss about this
question.

I would like to discuss this. / talk about this issue

The first reason in contrast

?? verstehe ich nicht

to take your mobile always with
you is, that it is disturbing to other people.

A mobile phone cann disturb other people.

When the mobile
is ringing in a restaurant or a train other people could be
disturbed.

Other people could be disturbed by the ringing tone in restaurant or a train, for example.

Furthermore if you have your mobile always in your
trouser pocket or you phone always with other people, the
radiation would be harmful.

(Sinn und Unsinn dieser Aussage ignorie ich mal)
Furthermore, the radiation could be harmful if you permanently phone other people / if you speak on the phone permanently or even if you just carry a mobile in your pocket.

Besides do you really need a
cell-phone?

What is it? cellphone or mobile (cell = US or South African / mobile = UK – don’t mix)
Besides, does one really need a mobile?

You can go to a phone box.

One could use a public phone.

On the other hand you are always reachable for your friends or
parents.

On the other hand, one can always be reached by friends or parents

They can always call you and they know that you are
ok. Another reason is that a mobile is not only a telephone.

In addition, a mobile is not only a phone.

Nowadays you can use your mobile to take photos, listen to
music or watch videos. These functions are practical. Moreover

Moreover,

a mobile is necessary to do calls.

a mobile is necessary to make calls.

For example you see an
accident you can directly do an emergency call.

For example ODER
… to make calls, e.g. if you happen to see an accident you can immediately make an emergency call.

This could
save a life.

To sum up I think it could be practical to have a mobile with
you when you are alone, but it make not much sense to have it
with you when you are in school for example.

Summing up, I would think that having a mobile on one’s person could be convenient if one is alone, but it does not make much sense / but it makes little sense to have it on one in school, for example.

For the discussion:
How about considering the fact that a mobile can be switched off (e.g. when in a school situation)?

Cheers,

Elke