Englisch: Brief an Gasteltern. Korrektur?

Hallo ich muss einen Brief an meine Gasteltern schreiben und möchte natürlich keine Fehler machen. Könnt ihr mir den Brief korrigieren?

Dear host parents,
First of all, I would like to thank you that you are prepared to read this letter and that you are considering to welcome an exchange student in your family and in your home.

First of all I would like to tell you something about my family and me.

My name is xxx but the most people called me Franzi.
I am born on the ddth of mm yyyy in xx it is close to zzz. I am now 15 years old but I will be 16, when I will arrive in the USA for the exchange year. I have got a brother and he is 19 years old. I live in a house together with my parents recently my brother live there with us, but 1 month ago he moved out. We have got a big garden next to our house and in summer I like to sunbathe there. When I was a kid, my brother and I played a lot in the garden. In our city, we have got a little sea and it is called “sss”. In summer my family went there because we have got a camping car there. It stands on a little place with other and in summer we went there and make a barbecue with friends or with my grandma.

xx, my city is located on the north sea. It is a normal city with 000 inhabitants. The downtown is not big but on the week-end I like to go there with my friends and drink something in a cafe. But there are some bigger cities in the neighborhood like abc and zzz. I am travelling quite a bit to these cities, mostly by train, for shopping.

Something more about me. I attend the 10th class of the xyz Gymnasium. My favourite subjects are biology and german. I don’t like chemistry and math.
In my free time I like to play tennis and go shopping with friends. And I am interested in Photography. I love to take photos from the nature but sometimes I take funny photos from me or my friends, too. I also love playing theater. When I was 8 years old I was in the childrens’ drama-club from our theater.

When I was younger I love to read, but know I am very busy with school. My favourite books are Harry Potter and a few years ago I am a big “Harry Potter Freak”. But now I only like to watch the movies.

I don’t have a favourite movie because I like watching TV soaps. I am watching Gossip Girl, Two and a half men, How I met your mother and Scrubs. These are my favourites. We have a lot of TV soaps in Germany but I only like to watch GZSZ. This is the abbreviation for: “Gute Zeiten Schlechte Zeiten”, in englisch is it: “Good times Bad times”.

I hear a lot of music and I like almost every kind of music except metal. At the moment I like to hear FM Static, Billy Talent, Rihanna and the music from Tyler Ward.

On Sunday morning at 7:30 I distributed newspapers, so I can earn a bit money for me. And on Tuesday I am teaching englisch to my little cousin. He is in the 6th class.

At home I am helping a few, for example I mow the lawn or wash the dishes and something like that. At the week-end I love to bake something with my mom. Like a cake or muffins. And in the winter we bake cookies.

So, I the reason why I want to make the exchange is that I want to improve my English and I want to meet new people there. I really hope to find a family, who is prepared to welcome me to their home for ten months.
Thank you very much for having taken the time to read my letter.
I hope to hear from you and look forward to meeting you in the near future in your home

Danke :smile:

MOD: anonymisiert

So ist das viel besser für dich =)

Dear (future) host parents,

Wenn du ihre Namen schon kennst, kannst du sie auch persönlicher ansprechen.
Insgesamt ist das ein persönlicher Brief, so dass du lieber short forms wie „I’m, he’s“ usw. benutzt.

First of all, I’d like to thank you that you are prepared
to read this letter and that you are considering to welcome an
exchange student in your family and in your home.

Das mit dem Brief würde ich weglassen. considering klingt, als ob sie jederzeit wieder ablehnen könnten, finde ich
First of all, I’d like to thank you for being prepared to welcome an exchange student in your family.

First of all I would like to tell you something about my
family and me.

Du hattest schon ein First.
To give you some background on who you’re receiving into your home I’d like to tell you something about me and my family.
My name is xxx but most people call me Franzi.
Hmm, Geburtsort ist doch eher unwichtig. Interessanter ist, wo du lebst, oder?

I was born on 9 Oct 1900, so I’ll be 16 by the time I arrive in
the USA for the exchange year.
I live in a house together with my parents in XXX which is close to zzz. I’ve got a brother who’s 19. He lived with us until recently , but 1 month ago he moved out. We’ve got a big garden next to our house and in summer I like to sunbathe there. When I was a kid, my brother and I played a lot in the garden.
In our town (city nur für wirklich große Städte, z.B. wenn du HAmburg, München, Berlin usw. meinst), there’s a little lake and it’s called “sss”. In summer, my family goes (jedes Jahr oder zumindest oft, oder?) there because we have got a camping car at a little campsite and in summer we often go and have a barbecue there with friends or with my grandma.

xx, is a town on the North Sea coast. It is an ordinary town
with 000 inhabitants. The town centre is not big but on weekends I like to go there with my friends, for example to have a coffee. But there are some bigger cities in the area like abc and zzz. I travel quite a bit to these cities for shopping, mostly by train.

Now let me tell you some more about myself. I’m in year 10 at our local comprehensive school (Gymnasium ist deutsch und wird sicher nicht verstanden). My favourite subjects are biology and German. I
don’t like chemistry and math.
In my free time I like to play tennis and go shopping with
friends. And I am interested in photography. I love taking
photos of the countryside/plants/animals (je nachdem) but sometimes I take funny photos of me or my friends, too. I also love acting. When I was 8, I was in the childrens’ drama-club of our local
theater.
When I was younger I loved to read, but now I am very busy
with school. My favourite books are Harry Potter and a few
years ago I was a big Harry Potter fan. But now I only like
goimg to the movies.
Wenn du in die USA gehen willst, dort gibt es viele Leute, die gewisse Sorten von Musik und Bücher wie Harry Potter ablehnen. Erkundige dich vielleicht nochmal, ob du damit vorsichtig sein musst.
I don’t have a favourite movie (warum because? irgendwie unlogisch). I also like watching TV soaps. I watch Gossip Girl, Two and A Half Men (Siehe oben - viele amerikansiche Eltern fänden diese Serie sehr unangemessen), How I Met Your Mother and Scrubs. These are my favourites. We have a lot of German TV soaps as well but I only like to watch “Gute Zeiten Schlechte Zeiten”, which is “Good times, Bad times” in English.

I listen to a lot of music and I like almost every kind of music
except metal. At the moment I like to hear FM Static, Billy
Talent, Rihanna and the music of Tyler Ward. (siehe oben Filme, Bücher, usw. - erst mal erkundigen)

On Sunday mornings at 7:30 I deliver newspapers to earn some money for myself. On Tuesdays, I help my little cousin with English.
He is in year 6.
I also help my parents in the household a little, for example I mow the lawn or wash the dishes. At the weekend I love to
bake something with my mom like a cake or muffins. And in the
winter we bake cookies.

The reason why I want to go on this exchange is that I want to meet new people and I also want to improve my English. I really hope to find a family, who is prepared to welcome me to their home for ten months.
Thank you very much for having taken the time to read my
letter. I hope to hear from you and I’m really looking forward to meeting you soon.

Yours,

Grüße
mitzisch

Hi!

Ich habe noch ein paar Sachen geändert!

LG
Sin

Dear „Host parents“

I would like to give you some background information about whom you’re welcoming to your home so I will tell you a bit about my family and myself.

My name is xxx but most people call me Franzi.
Hmm, Geburtsort ist doch eher unwichtig. Interessanter ist, wo du lebst, oder? 

I was born on 9 Oct 1900, so I’ll be 16 by the time I arrive in the USA for my exchange year. 

I live in a house with my parents in XXX which is close to zzz. I’ve got a brother who’s 19. He lived with us until recently, but he moved out 1 month ago. We’ve got a big garden and in summer I like to sunbathe there. When I was a kid, my brother and I played a lot in our garden. 

In our town (city nur für wirklich große Städte, z.B. wenn du HAmburg, München, Berlin usw. meinst), there’s a little lake and it’s called “sss”. In summer, my family travels (jedes Jahr oder zumindest oft, oder?) there because we own a caravan on a little camping site and in summer we often go and have a barbecue there with friends or with my grandma.

xx, is a town on the North Sea coast. It is an ordinary town with 000 inhabitants. The town center is not big but at weekends I like to go there with my friends, for example to have a coffee. But there are some bigger cities in the area like abc and zzz. I travel quite a bit to these cities for shopping, mostly by train.

Now let me tell you some more about myself. I’m in year 10 at our local comprehensive school oder secondary school oder high school (Gymnasium ist deutsch und wird sicher nicht verstanden). My favourite subjects are biology and German. I don’t like chemistry and math.

In my free time I like to play tennis and go shopping with friends. And I am interested in photography. I love taking
photos of the countryside/plants/animals (je nachdem) but sometimes I take funny photos of my friends or myself, too.
I also love acting. When I was 8, I was a member of the childrens’ drama-club at our local theater. 

When I was younger I loved to read, but now I am very busy with school. My favorite books are Harry Potter and a few years ago I was a big Harry Potter fan. But now I only like going to the movies.

Wenn du in die USA gehen willst, dort gibt es viele Leute, die gewisse Sorten von Musik und Bücher wie Harry Potter ablehnen. Erkundige dich vielleicht nochmal, ob du damit vorsichtig sein musst.

GENAU! Besonders wenn die Gasteltern sehr religlös sind…

I don’t have a favourite movie (warum because? irgendwie unlogisch). I also like watching TV soaps. I watch Gossip Girl, Two and A Half Men (Siehe oben - viele amerikansiche Eltern fänden diese Serie sehr unangemessen), GENAU! s.o

How I Met Your Mother and Scrubs. These are my favorites. We have a lot of German TV soaps as well but I only like to watch “Gute Zeiten Schlechte Zeiten”, which is “Good times, Bad times” in English.

I listen to a lot of music and I like almost every kind of music
except metal. At the moment I like listening to FM Static, Billy Talent, Rihanna and the music of Tyler Ward. (siehe oben Filme, Bücher, usw. - erst mal erkundigen) GENAU! s.o

On Sunday mornings at 7:30 I do a paper round to earn some money for myself. On Tuesdays, I help my little cousin with English. He is in year 6. 

I also help my parents in the household, for example I mow the lawn or wash the dishes. At the weekend I love to bake something with my mom like a cake or muffins. And in the winter we bake cookies together.

The reason why I want to go on this exchange is that I want to meet new people and I also want to improve my English. I really hope to find a family, who is prepared to welcome me to their home for ten months.
Thank you very much for having taken the time to read my letter.

I hope to hear from you and I’m really looking forward to meeting you soon.

Kind regards

xy

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