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#1

Hallo Leute! Bitte helft mir! Ich bräuchte dringend eine Korrektur für den nachfolgenden Text! Wenn möglich bitte auch benoten! Wäre ganz super toll von euch! DANKE!!!

  1. Imagine your brother suffers from hikikomori!(Burn Out) How could you help him?

My name is Kustu and I live with my parents and my older brother in Tokyo. My brother suffers from hikikomori (Burn Out), he hasn’t left his bedroom since 2 years, he has shutting out the outside world. This lead to a quite bizarre family life. My brother’s name is Kastu he is 17 years old and his only hobby is cleaning his bedroom. He has an obsessive compulsive disorder. My brother didn’t talk to my parents, he only talk to me. He told me that he was bullied at school, he got anonymous letters saying how much he was hated and things like that. I asked myself how can I help him? I searched on the internet and I find a very interesting article about a young girl suffered from hikikomori. She didn’t leave her house for more than 5 years. But finally she helps herself and so I invented her to come to our house. She talked to my brother and inspired him again for life. Nowadays he is completely normal and enjoys his new life!

#2

Hallo,
warum schreibst du nicht in deinem anderen Thread weiter?
My name is Kustu and I live in Tokyo with my parents and my older brother. My brother suffers from hikikomori (Burn Out), he hasn’t left his bedroom since 2 years, he has shut out the outside world. This has led to a quite bizarre family life. My brother’s name is Kastu. He is 17 years old and his only hobby is cleaning his bedroom. He has an obsessive compulsive disorder. My brother doesn’t talk to my parents, he only talks to me. He told me that he was bullied at school. He got anonymous letters saying how much he was hated and things like that. I asked myself how I could help him. I searched on the Internet and I found a very interesting article about a young girl who suffered from hikikomori. She didn’t leave her house for more than 5 years. But finally she helped herself and so I invented her to come to our house. She talked to my brother and inspired him again for life. Nowadays he is completely normal and enjoys his new life!

Zu helps herself hat Gerd unten schon etwas geschreiben.
Grüße
mitzisch

#3

and inspired him again for life. Nowadays he is completely
normal and enjoys his new life!

Das kligt ziemlich unglaubwürdig… spachlich aber richtig, soweit ich es beurtilen kann.

I

invented her to come to our house

„to invent“ heißt erfinden. Veilleicht meinst du, „I invited her“?

Die Verbformen hast du ja korrigiert, insgesamt finde ich den Text nicht schlecht. Eine Bewertung hängt naürlich davon ab, wie lange der Schreiber schon Englisch lernt.

Gruß vn Bixie

#4

Hi,

„to invent“ heißt erfinden. Vielleicht meinst du, „I invited
her“?

Ich meine hier sicher nichts, ist ja nicht mein Text - das habe ich übersehen, da hast du Recht, war aber gleichzeitig noch mit anderen Dingen befasst.

insgesamt finde ich den
Text nicht schlecht.

Inhaltlich und stilistisch hab ich absichtlich nichts angemerkt.
Grüße
m.

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