Englisch-Korrekturlesen- wäre sehr dankbar!

Matthias_a99933 · 14. Mai 2008 um 23:17

Hallo,

Ich muss relativ bald Bewerbung und CV abgeben und habe niemanden, der es mal testlesen kann. Es ist eine fiktive Bewerbung, aber die Grammatik muss stimmen. Macht mich ruhig auf jeden kleinen Fehler aufmerksam.

Es wäre toll, wenn ihr mir weiterhelfen würdet!

_____________________________________

OBJECTIVE Challenging traineeship in the field of improvement of biotechnical processes

EDUCATION

1991-2000 Secondary school in Bonn, Germany; Abitur (university entrance qualification), main subjects biology and mathematics.
GPA: 1,9 (excellent)

2002-2004 University of Bonn; studies of biology and chemistry as a teacher’s candidate for secondary school

2004-2006 Bonn, Germany; Apprenticeship as a biotechnical laboratory assistant

2008- present Hochschule Bonn – University of Applied Sciences; candidate for Bachelor of Science in Biotechnology (expected February 2011)

WORK EXPERIENCE

2006 Cryogene, Munich
• development of cell-cultivating processes in small scale
• autonomous execution of project assays

2007 Max Planck Institute of Biochemistry, Munich
• execution of experiments with immortalized cells
• extracting DNA and proteins
• systematic colorization of mouse brain slices
• exploring stress answers on certain drugs

Civil Service

2000.2001 SRH-group, Bonn; support and care for disabled people

2001-2002 Bonn University hospital; care for ill people

SPECIAL SKILLS

Languages German (fluent), English (good), French (fair)

Computer MS-Word, MS-Excel

Acivities Soccer, volleyball, reading

________________________________________________________

Herbert Hochstätter May 12, 2008
Frankenweg 66
D-35674 Bonn
Germany

Telephone: 02352-123123123
E-mail: XXXXXXXXX

Dr. James Smith
Human Resources Department
GE HealthCare

Objective: Traineeship in the field of improvement of biotechnical processes

Dear Mr. Smith,

I am writing to apply for your vacant trainee position in your company in the field of biotechnology for a period of six months starting in September 1st, 2009.
Currently I am a 2nd-year student at the at the Hochschule Bonn – Bonn University of Applied Sciences, where I am studying biotechnology.

During my studies I attended substantial theoretical and practical courses, especially in the field of improvement of biotechnical processes using animal cancer cells.
I have got experience in this field by working in a biopharmaceutical company in Munich, Cryogene. My main task was supporting the team of the research department in finding out the optimal cultivation parameters for the cellular production of new antibodies.
I also worked in Max Planck Institue of Biochemistry, Munich, in the field of basic research.
The experiences in cellular assays and microscopy I aquired there could suit well to the traineeship in you company.

Your company works on the development of cancer-specific antibodies; the red biotechnology is of a high interest for me. During my studies I have optimized processes very similar to the ones your company uses.

I like concentrated working on projects, on my own and in a team. Working in a challenging scientific field while learning new and modern techniques are what I am interested in very much.

My English abilities are good and I am confidant of my ability to work well in an English-speaking workplace.

I look forward to hearing from you. If you need more information, please write or call me.

Your sincerely,

off_topic_193e90 · 15. Mai 2008 um 09:54

Hallo Matthias,

an Deinem Lebenslauf habe ich nichts auszusetzen. In den Brief habe ich einfach in den Text geschrieben.

Herbert Hochstätter
May 12, 2008
Frankenweg 66
D-35674 Bonn
Germany

Telephone: 02352-123123123
E-mail: XXXXXXXXX

Dr. James Smith
Human Resources Department
GE HealthCare

Objective: Traineeship in the field of improvement of
biotechnical processes

Dear Mr. Smith,

I am writing to apply for your vacant trainee position in your
company in the field of biotechnology for a period of six
months starting in September 1st, 2009.

Currently I am a SECOND year student at the at the Hochschule

Bonn – Bonn University of Applied Sciences, where I am
studying biotechnology.

During my studies I ATTAINED substantial theoretical and
practical KNOWLEDGE, especially in the field of improvement of

biotechnical processes using animal cancer cells.

I WAS ABLKE TO USE AND DEEPEN THESE ABILITIES WHILE WORKING FOR CRYOGENE, A

biopharmaceutical company in Munich. My main task
was supporting the team of the research department in finding
out the optimal cultivation parameters for the cellular
production of new antibodies.
I also worked in Max Planck Institue of Biochemistry, Munich,
in the field of basic research.
The experiences in cellular assays and microscopy I aquired
there could suit well to the traineeship in you company.

Your company works on the development of cancer-specific

antibodies; the red biotechnology is of ( KEIN A )high interest for

me. During my studies I have optimized processes very similar
to the ones your company uses.

I ENJOY concentrated WORK on projects, on my own and in a

team. Working in a challenging scientific field while learning
new and modern techniques are what I am interested in very
much.

My English abilities are good and I am CONFIDENT of my ability

to work well in an English-speaking workplace.

I look forward to hearing from you. If you need more
information, please write or call me.

Your sincerely,

Hoffe geholfen zu haben, K.

Galadriel_155215 · 15. Mai 2008 um 21:43

Noch ein paar Kleinigkeiten (in Klammern im Text)

Hallo Matthias,

an Deinem Lebenslauf habe ich nichts auszusetzen. In den Brief
habe ich einfach in den Text geschrieben.

Herbert Hochstätter
May 12, 2008
Frankenweg 66
D-35674 Bonn
Germany

Telephone: 02352-123123123
E-mail: XXXXXXXXX

Dr. James Smith
Human Resources Department
GE HealthCare

Objective: Traineeship in the field of improvement of
biotechnical processes

Dear Mr. Smith,

I am writing to apply for your (besser: the) vacant trainee position in your
company in the field of biotechnology for a period of six
months starting in (on) September 1st, 2009.

Currently I am a SECOND year student at the at the Hochschule

Bonn – Bonn University of Applied Sciences, where I am
studying biotechnology.

During my studies I ATTAINED substantial theoretical and
practical KNOWLEDGE, especially in the field of improvement of

biotechnical processes using animal cancer cells.

I WAS ABL(-K)E TO USE AND DEEPEN THESE ABILITIES WHILE WORKING
FOR CRYOGENE, A

biopharmaceutical company in Munich. My main task
was supporting the team of the research department in finding
(out kann man weglassen)the optimal cultivation parameters for the cellular
production of new antibodies.
I also worked in (besser: at the) Max Planck Institue of Biochemistry, Munich,
in the field of basic research.
The experiences (ohne s) in cellular assays and microscopy (that)I aquired
there could suit well to the traineeship in you company.(could fit a traineeship in your company very well.)

Your company works on the development of cancer-specific

antibodies; the red biotechnology is of ( KEIN A )high
interest for

me. During my studies I have optimized processes very similar
to the ones your company uses.

I ENJOY concentrated WORK on projects, on my own and in a

team. Working in a challenging scientific field while learning
new and modern (new and modern klingt etwas seltsam. Ich würde mich auf eins davon beschränken) techniques are what I am interested in very
much.

My English abilities are good and I am CONFIDENT of my ability

to work well in an English-speaking workplace.

I look forward to hearing from you. If you need more
information, please write or call me.

Your sincerely,

Hoffe geholfen zu haben, K.

Ich auch
mfg
Galadriel

sin_f3a5e8 · 15. Mai 2008 um 22:52

Hallo,

Ich muss relativ bald Bewerbung und CV abgeben und habe
niemanden, der es mal testlesen kann. Es ist eine fiktive
Bewerbung, aber die Grammatik muss stimmen. Macht mich ruhig
auf jeden kleinen Fehler aufmerksam.

Hi!

Dear Mr Smith

Ref: Trainee in the field of improvement (?) concerning bio technical processes

I am writing to apply for the vacant trainee position at your company in the field of biotechnology for a period of six months, starting September 1st 2009.
Currently I am a second year student at the Hochschule Bonn – Bonn University of Applied Sciences, where I am studying biotechnology.

During my studies I attended substantial theoretical and practical courses, especially in the field of improvement of bio technical processes using animal cancer cells.
I obtained experience in this field by working for the biopharmaceutical company Cryogene in Munich. My main task was supporting the research department team in determining the optimal cultivation parameters for the cellular production of new antibodies.
I have also worked at the Max Planck Institute of Biochemistry, Munich, in the field of basic research.
The experience in cellular assays and microscopy I acquired there would be suitable to the traineeship in your company.

Your company works on the development of cancer-specific antibodies; the red biotechnology is of a very high interest for me. During my studies I have optimized processes very similar to the ones that your company uses.

I like focussed working on projects, on my own and also in a team. Working in a challenging scientific field whilst learning new and modern techniques is what I am really interested in.

My English abilities are good and I am confident of my ability to work well in an English-speaking environment.

I look forward to hearing from you. If you require any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely,