Englischpräsentation

[vogue_0806]

Hey ihr Lieben )
Mein Bruder muss demnächst eine Präsentation auf Englisch halten und hat mich gebeten seinen Text den er geschrieben hat hier reinzustellen, da er genau wie auch ich sehr unsicher im englischen sind.
Ich habe deshalb die bitte an euch den Text durchzlesen, auf Feheler zu korriegieren und auch Verbesserungen zu erwähenen

Hier der Text:
Krumping

Today i will tell you something about Krumping which is one of the famous dance which belongs to
the free dances. As you can see i seperated my presentation in 6 parts. At first i will tell you something about south central which is the foundation place of these dance. Then i will give you a few general facts about Krumping. The third part will be about the history. After that i will come to the characteristics of krumping and at the end i would like to show you a video, showing this dance and then come you questions if you have anyone.

Lets start with South central. South central is kwon as the most dangerous area in Los Angeles. It also Known for his high gang crime. Another fact which make this area so dangerous is that this place is the foundation place for many streetgangs like Bloods and Crips, 18th Streetgang and MS 13, also kown as mara salvatrucha. I think the first two and the last one are knwn of most of you because they are the most terrifying gangs in the USA. I think now you can imagine who dificult it is to live there especially for the youth because they always exposed to danger to get in one of these gangs.

Now i will give you a few general facts about Krumping one of the different free dances which exist. Krumping was founded by the afro-american community in South Central. This dance do not only exist of fresstyle movements but also exist of face printing that means the dancerprint masks in her faces.(To show you who something like that look i have here a few picture for you). This dance take usually place in groups or rather as a battle.(i think a few of you now this typical battles showing always in american dance films or not?). This dance style krumping ist based on Clowning which is also an dancestyle founded also in this area south central. They are very familiar to eachother. Know i will switch to the next part namely the history because after that you will unterstand who Krumping is in relationship to clowning.

I already told you that krumping based on clowning so i firstable have to tell you something about Clowning and then i tell you who krumping was founded. Clowning was founded in the early 1990 as a consequence of the LA riots in the poor areas of Los Angeles. The inventor of this dance is Thomas johnson. After he left the prison in 1992 he decided to start a careere as clown who dance hip hop known as Tommy the clown he went to his first Birthday party where he was not the usual clown using magic tricks or ballons he also dance with twitchy Hip Hop moves. After that he get imitated by hundred of kids and get very famous so many people orderes him to her partys. Thomas johnson used this succes and founded the clowning dance crew in order to get the youth away from the gangs. His message was not using drugs stay away from the gangs go to school and belive in god. He thought dnce groups are the only way to get the

[Hartwig_Baussmann]

Hey ihr Lieben )
Mein Bruder muss demnächst eine Präsentation auf Englisch
halten und hat mich gebeten seinen Text den er geschrieben hat
hier reinzustellen, da er genau wie auch ich sehr unsicher im
englischen sind.
Ich habe deshalb die bitte an euch den Text durchzlesen, auf
Feheler zu korriegieren und auch Verbesserungen zu erwähenen

)

Hier der Text:
Krumping

Today I’m going to tell you something about krumping which is one of
the famous dance which belongs to
the free dances. As you can see I seperated my presentation in
6 parts. At first I will tell you something about south
central which is the foundation place of these dance. Then i
will give you a few general facts about Krumping. The third
part will be about the history. After that i will come to the
characteristics of krumping and at the end i would like to
show you a video, showing this dance and then I’ll answer your
questions if you have anyone.

Lets start with South central. South central is kwon as the
most dangerous area in Los Angeles. It is also known for his high
gang crime. Another fact which make this area so dangerous is
that this place is the foundation place for many streetgangs
like Bloods and Crips, 18th Streetgang and MS 13, also kown as
mara salvatrucha. I think the first two and the last one are
knwn of most of you because they are the most terrifying gangs
in the USA. I think now you can imagine who dificult it is to
live there especially for the youth because they are always
exposed to the danger to get in one of these gangs.

Now i will give you a few general facts about Krumping one of
the different free dances which exist. Krumping was founded by
the afro-american community in South Central. This dance do
not only exist of fresstyle movements but also exist of face
printing that means the dancerprint masks in her faces.(To
show you who something like that look i have here a few
pictures for you). This dance take usually place in groups or
rather as a battle.(i think a few of you now this typical
battles showing always in american dance films or not?). This
dance style krumping ist based on clowning which is also an
dancestyle founded also in this area south central. They are
very familiar to each other. Now i will switch to the next
part namely the history because after that you will unterstand

what Krumping is in relationship to clowning.

I’ve already told you that krumping based on clowning so
first I have to tell you something about Clowning and then I
tell you how krumping was founded. Clowning was founded in the
early 1990 as a consequence of the LA riots in the poor areas
of Los Angeles. The inventor of this dance is Thomas johnson.
After he left the prison in 1992 he decided to start a career
as clown who dance hip hop known as Tommy The Clown he went to
his first birthday party where he was not the usual clown
using magic tricks or ballons he also dance with twitchy Hip
Hop moves. After that he got imitated by hundred of kids and
got very famous so many people ordered him to their partys.
Thomas johnson used this succes and founded the clowning dance
crew in order to get the youth away from the gangs. His
message was not using drugs stay away from the gangs go to
school and belive in god. He thought dance groups are the only
way to get the youth away from the gangs because he said
they want to belong to something so either you belongs to a
gang like bloods and crips or you belong to the Clowns.
This was the story of clowning and now i will tell you how it
came to Krumping. One day there were Ceasare’ L. Willis knwon
as thight eyez and Christopher Topler knwon as lil c both
memeber of the Clowning-dance-academy who decided not only to
dance for entertaining the people but also for earning more
money as a backgrounddancer. So they founded krumping. They
used this word because it should show that they are crazy,
hyper and also full of power.

The fourth part is about the characteristics of krumping.
Krumping is a fast and very agressive part freestyle dance
which basicly exist of „Stomps“ (Stampfen), „Chestpops“ that
means to let ypur brest move fast up and down and armswings.
In addition there also groundmoves which take place on the
ground and Puzzles. The dancer want to tell you a story with
their moves which they called taunts.

Der Text handelt von einer Tanzart namens Krumping.
Es wäre wirklich so nett wenn ihr weuch den angucken würdet (
wegen den Fehelern also wortwahl im textzusammenhang,
rechtschrieubng und zeiten) und auch bitte eure Meinung dazu
äußern würdet also ob dieser Text geeignet ist für eine
Präsentation oder ob ihr daran was ändern würdet und wenn ja
was genau ist schlecht daran

Ich bedanke mich ejtzt schon mal für die Hilfe und freue mich
auf eure Nachrichten
Liebe Grüße ! ps ( es wäre gut wenn bis dienstag jemand
antwortet)

Ist echt interessant ,

bitte vergleiche mehrere Übersetzungen, ich habe nur mal eben überflogen. Zum Glück kann man Groß- und Kleinschreibung nicht hören…

Today I’m going to tell you … besagt dass der Erzähler den festen Plan hat etwas zu erzählen.
I’ll (will) tell you ist aber wahrscheinlich auch nicht verkehrt … lass mich wissen was Du darüber herausgefunden hast, falls das möglich ist…
MfG HB

[Michael_Hamke]

Hallo meine Liebe / mein Lieber
Wer wird im Publikum sitzen bei der Präsentation? Wenn es Schüler sind, solltest du dich schnellstens selbst an deine Hausaufgaben setzen, denn solche Sachen machen wir hier nicht - wie gesagt: Eile ist geboten, denn der Text ist so voller Fehler, dass es sicher ein Stündchen oder zwei dauern wird, ihn zu korrigieren.

Wird mal weiter zur w-w-w Redaktion gepostet.

mh

[polecat_1fe20d]

Hallo und schönen 2. Advent:

Ich habe mir den Text vorgenommen, und ihn geändert, so, wie ich ihn schreiben würde:
(allerdings ohne Gewähr für den richtigen Inhalt, da ich diesen Tanz und alles, was damit zusammenhängt, nicht kenne!!! Allerdings würde ich nicht so sehr auf die verschiedenen Gangs in Los Angeles eingehen, da sie nur am Rande mit dem Thema zu tun haben, oder ? Ich habe das Meiste dazu gelöscht bzw. umgeschrieben)

Hier der Text:

Krumping

Today I am going to tell you something about „Krumping“ which is one of the famous dances that belong to the free dances.

As you can see I subvited my presentation in 6 parts:

First I’ll tell you something about the foundation place of these dance.

Then I’ll give you a few general facts about Krumping.

The third part will be a survey over the history of the dance.

After that I’ll come to the characteristics of krumping and

at the end I’d like to present you a video that shows this dance.

Finally questions can be asked.

Lets start with South central - where the roots of Krumping are found. South central is known as the most dangerous part of Los Angeles which is also known for his high gang crime. Many street gangs are founded here, like Bloods and Crips, 18th Streetgang and MS 13, also kown as mara salvatrucha. This fact makes it difficult to live in that area, especially for young people. To cope with those circumstances, people often invent dances like Krumping to distinguish themselves from the violence that is lived daily there.

Now I’ll give you some general facts about Krumping, just one of the existing free dances:

Krumping was founded by the afro-american community in South Central. This dance does not only contain
freestyle movements but is also presented by face
printing.The dancers print masks in their faces.(As example I brought some pictures). During dancing this dance, several groups seem to fight in a battle - this is often shown in American dance movies.

The dance style called „krumping“ is based on „Clowning“ which is also a dancestyle founded also in this area south central. Both are very familiar to each other.

Clowning was founded in the early 1990ies as a consequence of the LA riots in the poor areas of Los Angeles. The inventor of this dance is Thomas Johnson.
After he left prison in 1992, he decided to start a career as a hiphop dancing clown.Soon he was known as "Tommy the clown"and became very famous, so that many people ordered him for their partys.

From his first engagement for a birthday party on,
he was not what you could call a common clown.
While using magic tricks or ballons he also danced with twitchy Hip Hop moves. After that he was imitated by hundreds of kids. That was how he invented the clowning dance style.

Thomas johnson used this succes and founded the „clowning dance crew“ in order to get the young people off the streets and away from the gangs. His message was not using drugs, staying away from the gangs, going to school regularly and believe in god. In his opinion dance groups are a good way to give young people the feeling to belong to a good group instead of belonging to a gang like bloods and crips.

This was the story of clowning and now I’ll tell you how it came to Krumping. One day there was Ceasare’ L. Willis known as „Thight Eyez“ and Christopher Topler known as „lil c“. Both were members of the Clowning-dance-academy.Their aim was not only to dance for people’s entertainment but also for earning money as backgrounddancers. So they founded the new dance style called krumping. They choose the name „krumping“
because it should show that they are crazy,
hyper and also full of power.

At least I want to explain the characteristics of krumping.Krumping is a fast and very agressive part freestyle dance, that basicly contents „Stomps“ (Stampfen) and „Chestpops“. That means to let your brest move fast up and down and to sway your arms.In addition to that there are also groundmoves which take place on the floor and Puzzles (???). By doing the „Krumping“, the dancer wants to tell you a story with his moves. The stories they want to tell are called taunts.
_____________________________________________________

So. Ich hoffe, mein englisch hat ausgereicht, um ein bisschen zu helfen. Ich bin auch keine „gelernte“ Englischlehrerin. Um auf den Aufbau der Präs. einzugehen nur kurz Folgendes: Mir fehlt ein Schluss-Satz, sowas wie…

…"ich hoffe, ich konnte Euch einen Überblick über „Krumping“ geben. Eventuelle Fragen, die das nachfolgende Video nicht beantworten kann, beantworte ich Euch gerne danach zum Ende meiner Präsentation. Zunächst wünsche ich Euch aber viel Vergnüngen beim Video…(Name des Videos) und bedanke mich für Eure Aufmerksamkeit.

_____________________________________________________

Und nun: Viel Erfolg bei der Präsentation !!!

wünscht „polecat“… )

[Julia_d45ddc]

Hallo vogue 0806,

ich habe den Text inzwischen durchgelesen und so weit es mir möglich war korrigiert, allerdings gibt es noch mehrere Stellen, die ich trotz Zuhilfenahme von Wikipedia aufgrund der Wortwahl nicht verstehe.

Normalerweise würde ich dir diese Textstellen farbig markiert zusenden, aber das funktioniert leider nicht über wer-weiß-was.

Zunächst ist mir die Verwendung des Begriffs „free dance“ nicht klar. Bei Wikipedia habe ich nur gefunden, dass Krumping ein Street Dance ist und in erster Linie freestyle getanzt wird. Vielleicht weiß dein Bruder, ob „free dance“ ein feststehender Begriff ist oder hier durch Street Dance ersetzt werden kann.

Zudem verstehe ich den letzten Satz des 1. Absatzes nicht. Geht es hierbei um die Gefahr, dass die Jugendlichen selbst einer Gang beitreten oder, dass sie in die Schusslinie einer Gang geraten?

Dann ist mir nicht ganz klar wieso es einen Abschnitt gibt, in dem allgemeine Fakten zu Krumping erläutert werden und einen, in dem die Charakteristika von Krumping genannt werden. Dies könnte man zusammenfassen. Zudem schreibt dein Bruder über face printing als Bestandteil von Krumping - darauf weist zumindest der Wikipedia-Artikel nur beim Clowning hin. Je nachdem, ob dein Bruder bei dem Thema vielleicht selber etwas unsicher ist, könnte er da noch einmal recherchieren.

Zudem scheint es mir, dass dein Bruder „exist“ (etwas ist da, es existiert) mit „consists of“ (besteht aus/setzt sich aus … zusammen) verwechselt.

Im zweiten Satz des letzten Absatzes verstehe ich nicht was „part“ an dieser Stelle bedeuten soll - vielleicht kann dein Bruder das erläutern.

Schließlich würde ich gerne noch wissen, was beim vorletzten Satz „Puzzles“ bedeuten soll.

Sobald ich diese Informationen habe, kann ich die korrigierte Version schicken.

LG

Julia

[susa_klickerklacker]

Hallo,

ich habe den Text gelesen und mir hat er inhaltlich gut gefallen.

Allerdings ist dieses Forum meiner Ansicht nach nicht zur Korrektur von Hausaufgaben gedacht - Hausaufgaben sollen ja von EUCH gemacht werden, nicht von mir oder anderen Personen.

Viele Grüße
Suz.

[kfmaas]

Sorry, I can’t help.