Hallo liebe Wissende,
mein English-Club feiert demnächst seinen 3. Geburtstag. Für unsere „Festveranstaltung“ suche ich typische englische Gedichte, Limericks, short-stories, aber auch Witze. Natürlich auf Englisch!!
Ich hoffe, ich bin hier richtig und ihr habt viele gute Vorschläge und Hinweise.
Jetzt schon mal ein herzliches Danke und noch ein schönes Wochenende.
Lea
Weiss nicht, ob dieser Witz in deine Veranstaltung passt, aber ich finde ihn ziemlich gut:
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t
> stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: „I have a
> question to ask you, but I don’t want to offend you“.
> She answers, " My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am
> and
> have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just
> about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that
> I
> would find offensive."
> „Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.“
> She responds, „Well, let’s see what we can do about that: #1, you have to
> be
> single and #2, you must be Catholic.“
> The cab driver is very excited and says, „! Yes, I’m single and Catholic!“
> „OK“ the nun says. „Pull into the next alley.“ The nun fulfills his
> fantasy
> with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the
> road, the cab driver starts crying.
> „My dear child,“ said the nun, why are you crying?"
> „Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied I must confess, I’m married and I’m
> Jewish.“
> The nun says, „That’s OK, my name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween
> party.“
Hi Lea!
Here’s my favorite tongue twister:
Ed Nott was shot and Sam Shott was not. So it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some say Nott was not shot. But Shott says he shot Nott. Either the shot Shott shot at Nott was not shot, or Nott was shot. If the shot Shott shot shot Nott, Nott was shot. But if the shot Shott shot shot Shott, then Shott was shot, not Nott. However, the shot Shot shot shot not Shott - but Nott. So, Ed Nott was shot and that’s hot! Is it not?
Ok, and now, I got two jokes for you. They’re narratives:
There were two brothers who worked as bricklayers. They prided themselves on being able to order the exact number of bricks they’d need for a job. No more, no less. So it’s no surprise that they were shocked when they just finished their last job to find they had one single brick left over. The first brother says, „I know how to take care of this,“ and he hurls the brick into the air. It falls to the ground. „What are you doing?“ the second brother asks. „I’ll get rid of this brick.“ He bends low to the ground and hurls the brick even higher into the air. It falls to the ground.
Finally the first brother picks the brick up again and says, „That’s it. I’ll get rid of this brick once and for all,“ and he bends so low to the ground that he’s nearly lying down and he flings the brick up into he air with all his might… and it stays up!
Good? Ok, here’s the last one:
There’s a man flying home from vacation with his pet duck. He gets on the plane and shortly after take off the guy sitting in front of him lights up a huge cigar. The smoke is billowing all over the place and the guy starts coughing and wheezing, his eyes sting, the smoke smells terrible and he can’t even breathe. His duck begins quacking wildly because of the irritating smoke. Finally he calls a flight attendant over. „Will you ask that man to extinguish his cigar, please? It’s bothering my duck and me.“ She leaves and returns and says, „He says he’ll only put it out if you get rid of that honking duck.“
Well he looks at his dear friend the duck, but he’s dying from this smoke and he just can’t bear it, so he opens the window and quickly tosses the duck out. Feeling sad, he looks out the window, and is surprised to see his duck friend flying right beside the airplane! And you’ll never guess what’s in his mouth…
The brick.
By the way:
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
Why are popstars such cool people?
Because they have a lot of fans.
Best regards,
Benjamin
Hallo Lea,
und noch zwei:wink:
There once was a man from Great Britain
Who interrupted two girls at their knittin’.
Said he with a sigh,
„That park bench, well I
Just painted it right where you’re sittin’.“
A flea and a fly in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly, „let us flee!“
„Let us fly!“ said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
(Ogden Nash)
Viele Grüße
Eve*
Hi Eve,
vielen, vielen Dank! Das wird sicher ein recht lustiger Abend werden. Einen schönen noch!
Lea
Hi Benjamin,
vielen, lieben Dank! Ich habe herzlich lachen können und bin überzeugt es wird sicher ein recht lustiger Abend werden.
Einen schönen Tag noch!
Lea
Hallo Schnecke,
also mir hat der Witz auch sehr gut gefallen! Und natürlich werde ich ihn vortragen. Mal sehen wie dann die anderen reagieren…
Vielen, lieben Dank! Einen schönen Tag noch!
Lea
Hallo Lea,
noch ein Limerick gefällig?
There was a young lady in Riga
Who rode with a smile on a tiger
They returned from their ride
With the lady inside
And the smile on the face of the tiger
Und ein paar Grabsprüche:
Here lies Sam Nunn
He was shot by a gun
His name was not Nunn but Wood
But Wood wouldn’t rhyme with gun
But Nunn would
He passed the car without any fuss
He passed the cart of hay
He tried to pass the swerving bus
And then he passed away
Here lies John Wood
Enshrined in Wood
One Wood within another
One of these wood was very good
We cannot praise the other
Grüße
Kubi
Hallo Lea,
Candy is dandy
but liquor is quicker
– Ogden Nash
Mein Lieblingsgedicht besteht zwar groesstenteils aus Nonsense-Woertern, aber man kann der Geschichte trotzdem folgen:
Jabberwocky – by Lewis Caroll
`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
„Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!“
He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought –
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.
And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!
One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.
"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!’
He chortled in his joy.
`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
Viel Spass und
Peace,
Kevin.