Letter of motivation

Sprachen Fremdsprachen
1

Guten Tag,

und liebe Grüße an alle Leser.
Ich möchte kurzfristig eine Bewerbung an eine private FHS schicken. Vielleicht kann jemand einen kleinen Blick auf Inhalt und Grammatik werfen. Schon mal vorab herzlichen Dank

Dear Sir or Madam,

I hereby wish to state my interest for a place in your Master of Arts programme in International Management.

I am going to get my school leaving examination this year in summer and purpose to affiliate course of studies in business administration.

By visiting a lot of job fairs and joining the ISM’s open day I learned a lot about the ISM by studying the internet page. I believe devoutly that the offered extensive program fits perfectly to my own interests and is on compliance with my wishes. This appraisement was proved when I took part in the Management School Camp in autumn 2009 and attended a lecture twice.

From my point of view, the ISM offers to me the best possible education in the fields of economy and furthermore might be the numerous international contacts very helpful to get ahead in a foreign country. Moreover I expect a more efficient and expedious education from the compactly course of studies that are at the same time very practical oriented.

The wish to deal with business management arose when I had a two week work experience at Commerzbank London in spring 2009. In addition to that, I have a great interest in languages. Besides my mother tongue German I speak English and have practised French since 2007 in school. Furthermore I did a Spanish language course two years ago and do take part in a Chinese Language course.

It seems to me that a course of studies at the ISM gives me the opportunity to further my personal development. I expect the ISM to give me the best possible chance to start a professional career or rather to prepare me as best as it is possible for that. In my eyes, an ideal scheduling for this is, that the associate professors impart not just expertise but also social skills.

I am especially impressed by the very familiar atmosphere I haven’t noticed in other universities. The professors do not just tell the students facts but exercise real conversation what made me personally feel very comfortable when I joined classes. In addition to that, I noticed the large partner network with other universities of applied science and well known companies.

2

Hallo,

und liebe Grüße an alle Leser.

dir auch.
Das Folgende in aller Schnelle (es ist schon spät):

Dear Sir or Madam,

I hereby wish to state my interest for a place in your Master
of Arts programme in International Management.

I am going to get

I am going to receive

my school leaving examination this year in
summer

this summer

and purpose to affiliate course of studies in business
administration.

?? Dieses Satzteil ist unverständlich. Purpose als Verb?
dann --> and plan to xxxx (??) take courses of business administration studies.

By visiting a lot of job fairs and joining the ISM’s open day
I learned a lot about the ISM by studying the internet page.

Der Satz ist verwurschtelt.
I visited a lot of job fairs and joined the open day at ISM thereby learning about the ISM. I also visited the internet page for more information on ISM (falls ISM die Schule ist, wo du dich bewirbst: visited YOUR internet page …
:I

believe devoutly

??? das geht nur im religiösen Zusammenhang
I believe strongly

that the

besser: your

extensive program perfectly fits
my own interests
and is on compliance with my
wishes.

and coincides with my wishes (plans? intentions?)

This appraisement

This appraisal

was proved when I took part in the
Management School Camp in autumn 2009 and attended a lecture
twice.

So geht das aber nicht:
This was further substantiated when I took part … and attended lectures there (ich würde das 2x nicht so rausstellen, eher offen lassen).

From my point of view, the ISM offers to me the best possible
education in the fields of economy and furthermore might be
the numerous international contacts very helpful to get ahead
in a foreign country.

I know that the ISM will provide me with the best possible schooling in applied economics / economic science (kommt auf den Kurs an). Furthermore, I trust that the numerous int. contacts will proof very helpful.

Moreover I expect a more efficient and
expedious education from the compactly course of studies that
are at the same time very practical oriented.

??? Verstehe ich nicht.

The wish to deal with business management arose when I had a
two week work experience at Commerzbank London in spring 2009.

My interest in business management stems from a two week work experience with Commerzbank in London in the spring of 2009.

In addition to that, I have a great interest in languages.

I also am very interested in languages.

Besides my mother tongue German I speak English and have
practised French since 2007 in school.

My mothertongue is German, I speak, read and write English and took French at school for the last three years.

Furthermore I did a
Spanish language course two years ago and do take part in a
Chinese Language course.

In addition, I took a Spanish course two years ago, and am currently enrolled in a Chinese language course.

It seems to me that a course of studies at the ISM gives me
the opportunity to further my personal development.

will give me

I expect
the ISM to give me the best possible chance to start a
professional career or rather to prepare me as best as it is
possible for that.

Das hast du oben schon besser gesagt

In my eyes, an ideal scheduling for this
is, that the associate professors impart not just expertise
but also social skills.

?? in my eyes = deutsches Idiom, kein englisches
„In my opinion“ wäre eine Möglichkeit
„scheduling“ bezieht sich nur auf Zeitplanung
I value that the ass. profs teach not just expertise (was meinst du damit? Wissen? dann eher „knowlegde“) …
social skills = small talk etc. ? meinst du das wirklich?
und „impart“ geht nicht, das ist zu „casual“

I am especially impressed by the very familiar atmosphere I
haven’t noticed in other universities.

„very familiar atmo“ meinst du nicht wirklich.
Meinst du „freundlich“ ?

The professors do not
just tell the students facts but exercise real conversation
what made me personally feel very comfortable when I joined
classes.

„tell facts“ geht nicht
„exercise conversation“ geht auch nicht
When I joined some classes at ISM, I was impressed with the fact that the lecturers (das werden nicht alle Professoren sein, oder?) involved students in lively classes / in conversations rather than just presenting facts.

In addition to that, I noticed the large partner
network with other universities of applied science and well
known companies.

I also noted the „large partner network“ (kann man das anders ausdrücken, ich weiß nicht genau, was du meinst) … applied sciences (müsste Plural sein) and well-known companies.

Ich würde das anders strukturieren und deine Eindrücke mit dem kurzen Besuch bei ISM verbinden.

Gruß
Elke

3

danke Elke!
ich hab deine korrekturen jetzt übernommen und alles nochmal etwas umstrukturiert :smile:
kann jetzt vielleicht nochmal jemand drüber gucken?
wünsche euch allen schonmal einen „Guten Rutsch“ ins neue jahr und danke im vorraus!

Dear Sir or Madam,

I hereby wish to state my interest for a place in your Bachelor of Science programme in International Management. Currently I am living in Dortmund, Germany, where I attend the last year of a high school. I am going to receive my school leaving examination this summer and plan to affiliate course of studies in business administration. My interest in business management stems from a two week work experience with Commerzbank in London in the spring of 2009.

I visited a lot of job fairs and joined the open day at ISM and also visited your internet page for more information on ISM. I believe strongly that your offered extensive program fits perfectly to my own interests and coincides with my plans. This appraisal was further substantiated when I took part in the Management School Camp in autumn 2009 and attended lectures at ISM.

From my point of view, the ISM offers me the best possible education in the fields of economy and furthermore I trust, that the numerous international contacts will proof very helpful to get ahead in a foreign country. Moreover I feel confident the hands-on orientation and the compact course of studies will help me in achieving my goals and preparing myself for the working life.

It seems to me that a course of studies at the ISM will give me the opportunity to further my personal development. I value that the associate professors teach not just the knowledge but also social skills.

When I joined some classes at ISM, I was impressed with the fact that the lecturers involved students in conversations rather than just presenting facts what made me personally feel very comfortable. I am especially impressed by the very personal atmosphere I have not noticed in other universities.

I also noted the great partner network with other universities of applied sciences and well-known companies.

Except from my interest in economy and social sciences I am very interested in languages. Besides my mother tongue German I speak, read and write English and took French at school for the last three years. Furthermore, I achieved my qualification of Latin in 2008, took a Spanish course two years ago and am currently enrolled in a Chinese language course. I am quiet zealous in every sector of life, not just in the sector of learning different languages. In addition to that I am engaged in Amnesty International because for me, it is important to care for people’s rights and I like to work in a team.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I am looking forward for hearing from you soon.

Yours faithfully,
Annika

4

Hallo,

Dear Sir or Madam,

I hereby wish to state my interest for a place in your
Bachelor of Science programme in International Management.
Currently I am living in Dortmund, Germany, where I attend the
last year of a high school.

… last year of high school.

I am going to receive my school
leaving examination

receive my school leaving certificate
or
I will write my final exams

this summer and plan to affiliate course
of studies in business administration.

You cannot „affiliate“ a course.
Possibilities:
and plan to enrole in a course of bus. adm.

My interest in business
management stems from a two week work experience with
Commerzbank in London in the spring of 2009.

I visited a lot of job fairs and joined the open day at ISM
and also visited your internet page for more information on
ISM. I believe strongly that your offered extensive program
fits perfectly to my own interests and coincides with my
plans.

wrong preposition: „to fit to“
that the extensive program you are offering
fits my interests

This appraisal

„appraisal“ cannot be used in this context
This was further substantiated when I took

part in the Management School Camp in autumn 2009 and attended
lectures at ISM.

From my point of view,

In my opinion

the ISM offers me the best possible
education in the fields of economy and furthermore I trust,

furthermore, I trust

that the numerous international contacts will proof very
helpful to get ahead in a foreign country. Moreover

Moreover,

I feel
confident the hands-on orientation and the compact course of
studies will help me in achieving my goals and preparing
myself for the working life.

will help me achieving
preparing me for working life

It seems to me that a course of studies at the ISM will give
me the opportunity to further my personal development.

I believe that a course … will offer me the opp. …

I value
that the associate professors teach not just the knowledge but
also social skills.

I appreciate that … are not just teaching knowledge (this sounds daft) but also social skills (once again: are they teaching small talk, how to mingle at parties, how to speak to the professors wife?)

When I joined some classes at ISM, I was impressed with the
fact that the lecturers involved students in conversations
rather than just presenting facts what made me personally feel
very comfortable.

How about: When I joined … (or participated in some classes) … I was impressed … involved students in an exchange of ideas rather than merely presented facts. This made me feel welcome and accepted.

I am especially impressed by the very
personal atmosphere I have not noticed in other universities.

… atmosphere which I have not …

I also noted the great partner network with other universities
of applied sciences and well-known companies.

„partner network“ sounds strange- how about: cooperation with other universities and with well-known comp. ?

Except from my interest in economy and social sciences I am
very interested in languages.

In addition to my interest in economics OR interest in the economy …

Besides

„in addition to“ would be better here as well, but in order not to repeat, leave „besides“ ~

my mother tongue German

Maybe better (and gets rid of the awkward „mother tongue“ )
A native German speaker, I also speak, read…

I speak, read and write English and took French at school for
the last three years. Furthermore, I achieved my qualification
of Latin in 2008, took a Spanish course two years ago and am
currently enrolled in a Chinese language course. I am quiet

quite

zealous in every sector of life,

„quite“ and „zealous“ do not go together, I’d leave quite off –

not just in the sector of
learning different languages.

So:
I am interested in every aspect of life and don’t just concentrate on learning differend languages.

In addition to that I am engaged
in Amnesty International because for me, it is important to
care for people’s rights and I like to work in a team.

„to be engaged“ = verlobt sein
I am involved / committed to --> engagiert sein
In addition, I am involved in AI because I feel it is important to care for human rights and I enjoy working in a team.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I am looking
forward for hearing from you soon.

I am looking forward to hear from you soon (looking forward TO sth)

Yours faithfully,

Yours sincerely,

Elke