Letter of motivation kontrollieren?

Sprachen Fremdsprachen
1

Hi, ich plane bald nach Großbritannien zu fahren im Rahmen eines Work and Travel Programms. Die Gesellschaft, die das organisiert verlangt dafür einen kurzen LoM in dem ich meine Absichten und Erwartungen an meinen Auslandsaufenthalt stelle. Soweit ich telefonisch in Erfahrung gebracht habe, werden an den LoM keine großen Erwartungen gestellt, ich möchte aber dennoch dass er einen guten Eindruck vermittelt.

Wäre nett, wenn mir einer meinen LoM auf Herz und Nieren prüfen könnte und mich mit Tipps zur Verbesserung anregen oder auf grobe grammatikalische Schnitzer aufmerksam machen könnte. Danke schon mal im Voraus!

Dear Madam / Sir,

I hereby wish to state my interest for a place in your work and travel programme in Great Britain.

I finished school succesfully this summer and got my school leaving examination. So I decided to study medicine, but much to my regret it was not possible because of the rush demand in this field of study. Actually I got eight „waiting terms“. Therefore i searched for alternatives and found out that there is a possibility to study medicine in Poland in english by eluding the German NC-system. I decided to do that but previously to improve my English.

Furthermore it was long ago my dream to visit a English-speaking country for a longer period and learn more about the culture, the people living there and of course to hone my own English skills. The reason why I had chosen accurately Great Britain as my destination was that it is not improbable for me to work there as a doctor in the future. And it seems to me that it is the right moment to take this opportunity, now.

I would be very glad if you incorporate me in your Great Britain work and travel programme.

Kindest Regards,

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2

Sers Wiktor,
hab nicht`s mit den materia zu tun, aber ich würde weglassen:
" Therefore i searched for alternatives and found out that there is a
possibility to study medicine in Poland in english by eluding the
German NC-system. I decided to do that but previously to improve my
English. "(…dann warum nicht Polen?)

nächste:
„a(n) English-speaking country“ nein! England!!! (kannste auswaehlen
jede menge staaten)
ich meine, Du hast grosse interesse für diese job!..wenn Sie, Dich
ausgewaehlt haben, kannste nein sagen,oder Deine alternativen
benennen aber wenn Du den stelle haben wirds dann nur diese und kein
andere!
es ist mit den sprache nicht zu tun aber denk mal bitte nach:smile:
sincerely…macjack

P.S.
entschuldige mich für mein deutsch:smile:

3

hallo,

Dear Madam / Sir,

lass den Querstrich weg,
am besten du findest den Namen raus,
wenn es gar nicht anders geht, benutze ein „and“

I hereby wish to state my interest for a place in your work
and travel programme in Great Britain.

Das klingt unheimlich formell. „I hereby“ ist eine Formel
aus juristischen Schreiben.
I would like to explain / My interest in … stems from …

I finished school succesfully this summer and received my school
leaving examination. So I decided to study medicine,

das „so“ ist falsch, weil es impliziert, jeder, der seine
Schule fertig hat, will nun Medizin studieren.

but much
to my regret it was not possible because of the rush demand in
this field of study.

Actually I got eight „waiting terms“.

Therefore i searched for alternatives and found out that there
is a possibility to study medicine in Poland in english by
eluding the German NC-system. I decided to do that but
previously to improve my English.

Bevor ich den ganzen Paragraph durchgehe, möchte ich
dir Macs Überlegungen ans Herz legen. Es macht sich
nicht sehr gut, den Leuten zu sagen, dass sie „2nd choice“
(or 3rd or 4th) sind.

Du kannst auf deine Pläne später studieren zu wollen,
meinswegen auch Medizin eingehen, und erwähnen, dass du
aber vorher, deine Sprachkenntnisse aufmöbeln willst.

Furthermore it was long ago my dream to visit a
English-speaking country

Siehe wieder Macs Einwand.

for a longer period and learn more
about the culture, the people living there and of course to
hone my own English skills.

(und wem seine noch? —> hone my English skills, oder
simpler: improve my English)
It has been my dream to visit England (notfalls UK, nur
England nehmen, wenn es wirklich England ist) for longer
than just a holiday …

The reason why I had chosen
accurately

(?) meinst du „specifically“?

Great Britain

United Kingdom ist gängiger

as my destination was that it is not
improbable for me to work there as a doctor in the future. And
it seems to me that it is the right moment to take this
opportunity now.

Lass diese Einleitungssätze wie „the reason why“ etc. weg.
Sag es einfach:
England interests me in particular because …

I would be very glad if you incorporate me in your Great
Britain work and travel programme.

I would really appreciate it if I get the chance to be part
of …
„incorporate“ is nicht angebracht, wenn überhaupt:
if you made me part of …

Kind regards,/

Best regards

Gruß
Elke

4

Hi!

Good Luck!

Dear Sirs

I hereby wish to state my interest for a place in your work and travel programme in Great Britain.

I have finished school successfully this summer and received my GCSE. So I decided to study medicine, but unfortunately it was not possible because of the huge demand in this field of study here. Currently I would have to wait eight terms. Therefore I searched for alternatives and found out that there is a possibility to study medicine in Poland in English by eluding the German NC-system. I have decided to do that but previously I intend to improve my English.

Furthermore it has been my dream for a long time to visit an English-speaking country for a longer period and learn more about the culture, the people living there and of course also to enhance my own English skills. The reason why I have chosen Great Britain as my destination is the possibility for me to work there as a doctor in the future. And it seems to me that it is the right moment to take this opportunity, now.

I would be very glad if you would include me in your Great Britain work and travel programme.

Best regards

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