Motivationsschreiben in Englisch

Sprachen Fremdsprachen
#1

Hallo ihr Lieben!

Ich soll für eine Auslandsvermittlung ein Motivationsschreiben in Englisch formulieren. Ich bin nicht die Beste in dieser Sprache und hoffe, ihr könnt mir bei der Korrektur ein wenig helfen. Das wäre wunderbar.
Hier mein Text:

Hello!

First I want to introduce myself : My name is Julia, I am 20 years old and live together with my parents and my cat in — . Although I do not have any brothers and sisters, for this but many good friends. I spend my leisure time with them. In addition, I like to ride and care at the moment for one ‚little stout pony‘ named Nicky. My heart is really attached to this animal. Because of this I would like to study veterinary medicine the next term. I want to help them because they only communicate heavily with us and can not express their sufferings. I have already finished with the school one year ago. After graduating, I decided to take a break once a year to regain new strength for my studies. Not only for this reason, I signed up for the program by Kulturist. because I’m very open for new challenges and above all also for adventure. Already a great experience is for me to live with you.
Already at school I was very fascinated by the German language. Therefore I pass to my knowledge and skills. I am also very interested in our culture and try to pick up as much as possible and get to know everything. It is not so easy, because each country bubbling over with its culture. I’ve deliberately chosen for Italy. This country fascinated me as a little child on holiday in Tuscany. The people and their incredible hospitality will remain me as always in memory. The country itself is absolutely beautiful, even though I unfortunately still not was allowed to meet much of the countryside. However, I hope that this will soon change. Also, I am very enthusiastic about your language. It sounds so nice. In school, I had Latin as a second language. Therefore, on my travels, I won already a glimpse into this language. Even though I’ve never really well mastered Latin.
I hope during my stay with you not only an insight into your culture and your everyday life, but also a lot of fun. This is most important to me personally. Because I am a man full of humor. Someone who approaches with lot of fun challenges. And I’m sure that we will have lots of fun together. This will be great.
Therefore, I hope to hear from you soon and to come soon to Italy.
With best regards,
Julia

#2

Hallo MissViljor,
Ich denke, der Text sollte noch einmal überarbeitet werden. Hier meine Vorschläge:
Hello!

First I want to introduce myself: My name is Julia, I am 20 years old and live together with my parents and my cat in — . Although I do not have any brothers and sisters, for this but many good friends. ( SATZ IST UNVERSTÄNDLICH. ICH NEHME AN, DASS DU DEN TEXT MIT EINEM PROGRAMM ÜBERSETZT HAST. DAFÜR ABER WURDE INS ENGLISCHE ÜBERSETZT MIT: FOR THIS BUT, WAS KEINEN SINN MACHT. LIES DIR DEN TEXT NOCH EINMAL DURCH) I spend my leisure time with them. In addition, I like to ride and care at the moment for one ‚little stout pony‘ named Nicky. My heart is really attached to this animal. Because of this I would like to study veterinary medicine the next term. I want to help them because they only communicate heavily (SCHWER IST NICHT GLEICH SCHWER, AUCH IM DEUTSCHEN, SUCH EIN SYNONYM, DASS IM ZUSAMMENHANG STEHT) with us and can not express their sufferings. I have already finished with the school one year ago. After graduating, I decided to take a break once a year (WILLST DU SAGEN, DASS DU EIN JAHR AUSSETZT ODER DIR EINMAL IM JAHR EINE AUSSZEIT NIMMST?) to regain new strength for my studies. Not only for this reason, I signed up for the program by Kulturist (WISSEN DIE ITALIENER WAS KULTURIST BEDEUTET?). because I’m very open for (TO) new challenges and above all also for (TO) adventure. Already a great experience is for me to live with you.
Already at school I was very fascinated by the German language. Therefore I pass (UNVERSTÄNDLICH) to my knowledge and skills. I am also very interested in our culture and try to pick up as much as possible and get to know everything. It is not so easy, because each country bubbling over (ÜBERKOCHEN? BRIMS OVER?) with its culture. I’ve deliberately chosen for Italy. This country fascinated me as a little child on holiday in Tuscany. The people and their incredible hospitality will remain me as always in MY memory. The country itself is absolutely beautiful, even though I unfortunately still not was allowed to meet much of the countryside (WORTWÖRTLICH AUS DEM DEUTSCHEN ÜBERSETZT). However, I hope that this will soon change (SOON ANS ENDE DES SATZES). Also, I am very enthusiastic about your language. It sounds so nice. In school, I had Latin as a second language. Therefore, on my travels, I won already a glimpse into OF this language, E even though I’ve never really well mastered Latin.
I hope during my stay with you not only an insight into your culture and your everyday life, but also a lot of fun( DAS VERB FEHLT). This is most important to me personally. Because I am a man (HM, EIN MANN, DER JULIA HEISST?) full of humor(HUMOUR). Someone who approaches challenges with lot of fun . And I’m sure that we will have lots of fun together. This will be great.
Therefore, I hope to hear from you soon and to come soon to Italy.
With best regards,

Gruss,
Heidrun

#3

Hallo, klingt schon alles ganz gut. Ich verändere ein bisschen was. Das siehst du, wenn du diesen neuen Text neben dein Original hältst. Eine Garantie für den perfekten Stil übernehme ich aber nicht. Viel Erfolg mit dem Brief!

Volker

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen!

First I would like to introduce myself : My name is Julia, I am 20 years old and live together with my parents and my cat in —. I do not have any brothers and sisters but many good friends. I spend my leisure time with them. In addition, at the moment I like to ride and care a ‚little stout pony‘ named Nicky. My heart is really attached to this animal. Because of this, I would like to study veterinary medicine the next term. I want to help animals because they only communicate heavily with us and can not express
their sufferings. I have already finished with the school one year ago. After graduating, I decided to take a break for a year to regain new strength for my studies. Not only for this reason, I signed up for the program by Kulturist because I’m very open for new challenges and above all also for adventures. To live with you would be already a great experience for me . At school I was very fascinated by the German
language. Therefore I would like to pass to my knowledge and skills. I am also very interested in our culture and try to pick up as much as possible and get to know everything. It is not so easy because each country is bubbling over with its culture. I’ve
deliberately chosen for Italy. This country fascinated me when I was on holiday in Tuscany as a little child . The people and their incredible hospitality will remain me for always in memory. The country itself is absolutely beautiful, even though - unfortunately - I could not see much of the countryside. However, I hope that will change soon. Also, I am very enthusiastic about your language. It sounds so nice. In school, I had Latin as a second language. Therefore, during my trips, I won already a glimpse into this language even
though I’ve never really well mastered Latin.
I hope during my stay with you I will get not only an insight into your culture and your everyday life, but also have a lot of fun. This is most important to my personally because I am a young woman full of
humor and someone who approaches challenges with lot of fun. And I’m sure that we will have lots of fun together. This time will be great.
Therefore, I hope to hear from you soon and get the possibility to come to Italy.
With best regards,
Julia

#4

Hallo MissViljor,
leider war ich verreist, und habe dort eine schlechte Internetverbindung. Ich hoffe, es hat jemand anders geholfen.
Holzbein

#5

sorry, hab keine Zeit zur Zeit :frowning: