Motivationsschreiben/ STATEMENT OF PROPOSED STUDY

Guten Tag,

Ich bewerbe mich gerade um ein Studium im Ausland und habe dazu eben mein STATEMENT OF PROPOSED STUDY geschrieben. Es wäre unwahrscheinlich lieb, wenn ihr euch das mal kritisch durchlesen und einen Kommentar dazu abgeben könntet. Ich danke euch wie verrückt.

Cindy255

Statement of proposed study

The 2008 presidential election campaign has shown that the USA is a pioneer in the field of „Campaigning on the Social Web“. Since I would like to write my bachelor thesis about this topic, I apply for an exchange year at the University of Miami (UM). Already in my second semester of political science and communications and media studies I dealt with the online campaign of Barack Obama in the context of the module “politics and organization”. Since then I want to cover this issue in my bachelor thesis.
In addition to politics I am also very interested in Public Relations which is another reason for me to apply for the UM. There I can combine politics and communication in courses such as “Public Affairs”, “PR and Political Campaigns” as well as in “Lobbying and Pressure Groups”.
Beside my expertise which I acquired in the last four semesters of my studies, I am very committed. I support the LPRS e.V. (Leipziger Public Relations Studenten – Association of PR Students of Leipzig) since October 2007, work for the PR department of the local radio station of the University of Leipzig, mephisto 97.6 and since October 2009 I am the president of the European Association of PR and Communication Students – “PRime” (formerly: CERP). Moreover I work in the customer relations department of the European Energy Exchange. Furthermore I did a three-month internship at the Sächsische Zeitung as a freelance journalist. That is why I would like to support the Miami hurricane (newspaper) or the MWVU FM (radio station) at the UM.
In addition to that, I successfully completed the course “English for Journalists” (UniCert II) and passed the language test of the International students’ office even with UniCert III. Moreover I will take the TOEFL test in case of a promise.

My second choice for an exchange year is the Universiteit Stellenbosch in South Africa. Beside the African way of life, the various courses in political science such as “Conflict Studies”, “International Relations” and “Public Policy Studies” bring me to this choice. If it is possible I also would like to join some courses in the field of Journalism such as “Internet journalism”, “Radio journalism” as well as “Journalism Practice News or Features”.

My third wish is the Hong Kong Baptist University. There I would like to combine Political Science with Public Relations. I am very interested in the courses public “policy-making” and “international relations” as well as in “Current Affairs & News Analysis” and “Crisis Communication & Public Relations”.

Whether Miami, Stellenbosch or Hong Kong, I am looking forward to a positive feedback from you.

hallo und guten abend zu so später stund!

also ich habe mir mal dein Motivationsschreiben durchgelesen und würde folgendes beachten:

  • der satz „Moreover I will take the TOEFL test in case of a promise“ macht meiner meinung nach keinen sinn. auch nach mehrfachem durchlesen komm ich nicht drauf, was du damit ausdrücken willst.

  • versuche andere satzanfänge zu finden anstatt „in addition to that“ oder „moreover“. kommt bei dir öfter mal vor. (ist nicht so einfach, ich weiß, aber wie wärs z.B. mal mit einem gerund anzufangen?)

  • „Sächsische Zeitung“ solltest du genauer erklären, da ich nicht davon ausgehe, dass die damen und herren wissen, was „zeitung“ in englisch heißt :smile:. würde z.b. eine kurze erklärung einfügen, sowie du es bei LPRS e.V. gemacht hast.

  • kommasetzung beachten! an vielen stellen fehlen sie, wo welche sein sollten.

  • ich würde bei „My third wish is the Hong Kong Baptist University“
    nicht wish sagen… klingt irgendwie komisch

  • bleibe deinem schreibstil treu! sprich: bei den „fächerbezeichnungen“ alle wörter groß und mit „_“ schreiben, oder nicht.

ich hoffe ich konnte dir helfen!

gruß,
threethugs