Personal statement (letter of motivation)

Hallo Zusammen,

für eine Stelle als PhD-Student im Ausland musste ich erstmalig einen englischsprachiges „Personal Statement“ schreiben. Dieser soll sowohl ein personal statement als auch research goals enthalten. Nachdem ein Kollege das Schreiben bereist überflogen hat, würde ich mich über Tipps, Anmerkungen (insbesondere über die logische Reihenfolge) und gegebenenfalls über Korrekturen sehr freuen. Das wäre mir eine sehr große Hilfe, da mir sehr viel an der Stelle liegen würde. Im voraus schon einmal vielen, vielen Dank für die Hilfe!
Viele Grüße,
Tim

Hier nun der Text:

Dear Prof. Dr. XXX,

With great interest I have read on the website of XXX-University that your working group looking for a talented PhD-student. The vacancy you advertised would give me an excellent chance to continue my scientific career within an exciting project and working environment.

The position you offer is particularly attractive to me because of the combination between field work and laboratory techniques within a current research topic. Climate change, displacement of species and human impacts on marine ecosystems are global problems with an immense research potential. Knowledge on the effect of these changes on the genetic and cell layer of marine organisms is still lacking. My research goals would be the successfully detection of molecular and ecological key factors concerning the tolerances of XXX. Beside the principal questions of the project the data can be used for forecast models with different scenarios concerning the further dispersal of XXX. Also an interdisciplinary research topic within the material research would be possible (e.g. prevention or reduction of biofouling).

Your team is searching for a biologist with skills and experience in marine-, molecular- and cell biology. As you can see from my CV I offer you a highly motivated alumnus with an excellent final degree, skills in Aquaculture, Marine Ecology practical knowledge in field work (and research cruises. Furthermore traineeships and different research activities as student assistant gave me the opportunities to use and advance my skills and expertise in methods and techniques of Cell Biology, Molecular Biology and Toxicology (e.g. DNA-Extraction, PCR, DGGE, Blots, DNA-Sequencing and Laser-Scanning-Microscopy).

Main focus of my research studies at the XXX-University were “Marine Biology” and “Microbiology”. As a research assistant in the working group of Prof. Dr. XXX I was interested in biology, systematic and morphology of Crustaceans from an early time in my studies. During my work at the XXX in the working group “Aquaculture and Coral Reef Ecology” I had enlarged my skills to the methods and mechanisms of aquaculture. The institute’s own aquaculture housed a lot of organisms within a wide range of different needs.

For my diploma thesis I analyzed factors that contribute a successful aquaculture of endangered seahorses (Hippocampus. The research subjects and methods of this study was planned and executed by my own. In addition I worked active within self-reliant cooperation’s with the working groups “Systematic Zoology“, XXX-University, “Biodiversity and Evolution of Animals”, XXX-University and the XXX Centers XXX and XXX. Therefore I´m very interested in interdisciplinary working activities.

My main characteristics include a friendly personality, willingness to continuously learning, excellent organization and communication skills, engagement as well as an ability to work independently. Therefore I would like to be an integral part of your international research team. That would give me the possibility to utilize my knowledge and to learn from colleagues at the same time. Trough my employment at the XXX I be used to work with international colleagues and partners. Therefore English is the everyday speech in spoken and written.

If you feel my qualifications fit me for the position advertised, I would appreciate a private meeting to introduce myself and to get more information’s about the project. If your decision benefits me, I can take the position immediately with a high degree of motivation.

I thank you for considering my application and I look forward to your response.

Kind regards,

XXX Appendix

Hallo

Meine Kommentare sind im Text. Im Allgemeinen würde ich sagen dass dein Text zu lang ist. Eine A4 Seite ist glaube ich gängig für Bewerbungsschreiben.
Von Meeresbiologie hab ich eher wenig Ahnung, da bist du bei Kollegen warscheinlich besser dran für übersetzungen.

mfg
Galadriel

Hier nun der Text:

Dear Prof. Dr. XXX,

With great interest I (have) read on the website of
XXX-University that your working group (+is) looking for a talented
PhD-student. The vacancy you advertised would give me an
excellent chance to continue my scientific career (+working on an)
exciting project (+within a challenging/ interesting/stimulating) environment.

The position you offer is particularly attractive to me
because of the combination between field work and laboratory
techniques within a current research topic. Climate change,
displacement of species and human impacts on marine ecosystems
are global problems with an immense (besser: a huge)research potential.
Knowledge on the effect of these changes on the genetic and
cell layer of marine organisms is still lacking. My research
goals would be the successful(ly) detection of molecular and
ecological key factors concerning the tolerances of XXX.
Beside the principal questions of the project, the data can be
used for forecast models with different scenarios concerning
the further dispersal of XXX. Also an interdisciplinary
research topic within the material research would be possible
(e.g. prevention or reduction of biofouling).

Your team is searching for (looking for)a biologist with skills and
experience in marine-, molecular- and cell biology. As you can
see from my CV I offer you(besser: I am) a highly motivated alumnus (alumnus bedeuted ehemaliger Student, passt hier nicht wirklich. Schreib lieber welches Diplom du schon hast) with an
excellent final degree, skills in Aquaculture, Marine Ecology
practical knowledge in field work and research cruises.
Furthermore, traineeships and different research activities as
student assistant gave me the opportunity (immer Einzahl) to use and advance
my skills and expertise in methods and techniques of Cell
Biology, Molecular Biology and Toxicology (e.g.
DNA-Extraction, PCR, DGGE, Blots, DNA-Sequencing and
Laser-Scanning-Microscopy).

Main focus of my research studies at the XXX-University were
“Marine Biology” and “Microbiology”. As a research assistant
in the working group of Prof. Dr. XXX I have been interested (verb tense)in
biology, systematic and morphology of crustaceans since the beginning of my studies. During my work at the XXX in the
“Aquaculture and Coral Reef Ecology” working group, I (-had)
enlarged my skills to the methods and mechanisms of
aquaculture. The institute’s own aquaculture housed a lot of
organisms with(-in) a wide range of different needs.

For my diploma thesis I analyzed factors that contribute (+to) a
successful aquaculture of endangered seahorses (Hippocampus.
The research subjects and methods of this study was planned
and executed by my own( by myself, oder, I planned the research subjects usw on my own). In addition I worked active(+ly) within
self-reliant cooperations (Apostroph weg) with the working groups “Systematic
Zoology“, XXX-University, “Biodiversity and Evolution of
Animals”, XXX-University and the XXX Centers XXX and XXX.
Therefore (Besser: As you can see,) I´m very interested in (besser: in working interdisciplinarily) interdisciplinary working
activities.

My main characteristics include a friendly personality,
willingness to continuously ( to keep on) learning, excellent organization
and communication skills, engagement as well as an ability to
work independently. Therefore I would like to be an integral
part of your international research team. That would give me
the possibility to utilize ( use) my knowledge and to learn from
colleagues at the same time. Trough my employment at the XXX I
be (am)used to work with international colleagues and partners.
Therefore English is the everyday speech in spoken and
written.(is the main spoken and written language)

If you feel my qualifications fit me ( besser: that I am qualified) for the position
advertised, I would appreciate a private meeting to introduce
myself and to get more information (immer Eintahl) about the project. If
your decision benefits me (In case of a positive decision), I can take the position immediately
with a high degree of motivation.

I thank you for considering my application and I look forward
to your response.

Kind regards,

XXX Appendix